Only when we walk in the dark we see the Stars

So I am sitting in the silence of the morning hours.  Sun hasn’t come up yet and words haven’t been spoken yet.  I think about this upcoming couple days and what the agenda will be.  Today we have Christmas program practice at church.  That is always a fun time.  Maybe a little chaotic.  Little ones running around trying to round them up like they are the sheep and we are the sheep dogs.  This afternoon I may try to get some of the house decorated for Christmas.  Kids are driving me nuts that we have to get that tree up.  True enough we need to do that.  Tomorrow is Church, Sunday school and then Caroling in the community.  Always a fun event.  Traveling in a group from one place to the next trying to spread some of the Christmas spirit.  We end the night with a soup supper always a highlight for our family.  I sit here this morning by the computer awed by the changes we have had this year.  I have a daughter that is excelling in school and over at the “big” school. She is just growing up out of that little girl.  My son who I didn’t think would be able to handle school LOVES to go to school and Sunday afternoon is just a long waste of time to get to Monday.  I look how our family is changed.  I was in such a fog of disbelief lately with my sudden hearing loss that I failed to notice the good things that are going on with our family.  So I have decided to try and make a list of the positives I have learned with having hearing aids and hearing loss.

1. I savor every I love you I get from my kids.  I was upset I still can’t hear the whispered ones but I know what they are saying it still melts your heart.

2. I enjoy the absolute silence I have in the house before everyone is up and after everyone goes to bed.

3. Watching has become very important to me.  Watching my kids interact.  Sure a kick comes into play but the holding of hands or cuddling together to read a book became even more precious.

4. Empathy- I feel I have more empathy with the kids at school that struggle at the things that seem so simple to other children.

gotta have some funny ones

5. We have a faucet that drips at times.  I can turn the hearing aid to mute and instant drip is gone.

6. Kids fighting in the bedroom. Again mute and fighting is gone for that moment.

I am glad that I took the time to write a list.  It makes you put things in perspective. Sometimes taking part of one sense away does open your eyes to other things around you.

SNOW

2013-12-04 13.43.20Living in MinnSNOWta we all knew it was coming but every year we pray and try to pretend that maybe the snow won’t come. Maybe the snow will wait till after the 1st of the year. Are we nuts…probably. I have to say a first snow is pretty it is that beautiful Christmas card scene. Then you go out and drive. Yep all pretty images are gone just cold fingers, cold toes, and maybe a curse word or two. Getting ready for winter and snow is like getting ready to have a baby. It is winter nesting. We get together the boots, snowpants, hats and gloves and pray we have pairs and they still fit. We make sure everything is picked up in the yard because you won’t see it again until till probably April.
Well the first storm came yesterday. We got the snow and then the blowing winds. Living out in the prairie the wind is horrible. It whips across and creates drifts that can be as big as a car. The drifts make the roads impassable. So today was the first and probably not the last 2 hour late start at school. Oh the kids love that. They still wake up at 6am but have 3.5 hours to waste before school. Today was TV and outside play. My daughter was out for about 3 minutes just to cold. My son on the other hand was out for quite a while. Crazy boy.
I know some people like this white stuff and cold but I am in the group that wonder why we live here. We are a hearty group of people, little nuts, but it is that good German and Scandinavian blood you know.
Welcome to winter what ever side of the snow debate you are on. Love it or lose it.

Night Silence

I find myself compelled to write about things that I wasn’t planning on writing about in this blog. But isn’t that life the unknown the ever changing.  Has anyone ever had everything planned out and it really goes that way? Maybe some but was it interesting then? As I sit down to write this I can’t get over how quiet it is in the house.  Everyone is in bed and my hearing aid is out for the night.  It is total silence.  There is no dripping faucets, no creaky floor boards, no furnace or fridge running.  I see an occasional car drive by but no sound.  How strange this is but at the same time amazing.  How you go into life and then the unforeseen detour on the road takes you on another direction.  So we are in for a major snow storm some saying upwards of 10 inches. Now the power just went out.  I am not kidding you can’t make this stuff up.  See the unforeseen always seems to happen.  So when this new path comes up what are you to do?  Learn to deal, make the best of it, find the positives, I guess I am still trying to figure that out.  I know my drive to write has been heightened and I want to go with that.  It is a wonderful outlet and maybe it will go somewhere someday.  Listening to music has been an obsession of mine for the past few days.  I don’t know why, I am a tv person. Love having the tv on as background noise and it is on all the time.  I haven’t turned it on in 3 days.  Kids think I am going nuts. I wonder why the music, am I somehow worried someday I won’t hear it?  Not sure, it has to be turned way up but I am loving it lately.  Life is an always changing organism. I am finding that out a lot in the past few years. With a move out to the Prairies of MN, with a son who receives an SPD and Autism Spectrum diagnosis and now hearing loss.  Always changing and we have to be receptive maybe not willingly but life goes on and we want to go with it.  

SLEEP

Ever have a craving? Maybe chocolate, or soda or if pregnant pickles and ice cream….I am craving SLEEP.  It has been a couple weeks of maybe a couple hours of sleep a night if lucky.  I fall asleep for an hour and then wide awake.  Sometimes I wish I was back to a small child and I could take a nap.  Just doesn’t happen.  Having a child with SPD can mean sleep issues and that is the case with my son. He wonders the house at night sleeps for an hour or so and then up for the rest of the night.  It is hard on this momma worrying what is he doing, what is he up to. Now I have my own mind racing at 100mph at night.  Do you know the stupid thing you can worry about at night…it is stupid stuff.  Going from normal hearing or near normal to needing hearing aids in a 2 week period can cause lots of thinking and reflecting.  My mind goes to why, can people notice, will it get worse. I know it could be a lot worse but in the middle of the night I am sorry you think about yourself, or at least I do.  As I drink my sleepy time tea tonight I pray that these worries will subside and my mind can be like my SPD son and just crash.  He gets to Thursday night each week and just crashes. I need a Thursday night.  To all the other SPD moms out there they know that days can be hard and nights can be harder. We all need that Thursday night once and a while. 

Thanksgiving is for Giving Thanks

I guess you can always find something to be thankful for. I can say the obvious I am thankful for food, shelter and water. I am truly thankful for the those items but this year I have been pondering this question and I find I am thankful for so much more.  I am thankful for my husband that has a birthday tomorrow. He has been known to drive me nuts and make me laugh until I can’t breath all in an hours period. He makes life interesting. I am thankful for my daughter who is getting so grown up. Everytime I look at her I am amazed and I wonder where my little girl has gone.  Thankful for my son who has shown me a new way to look at the world. He has introduced me to trains and I am proud to say I know all the trains names.

As I grow older I find more and more to be thankful for. I am thankful for the wonderful teachers and staff at my children’s school. It is so nice that they both love going to school and are excited to go each day. I am thankful for the wonderful Tae Kwon Do family our family belongs to. It is wonderful for our children and it warms my heart every time we all get together. I am thankful for CASE IH that is my husbands employer. It is fun to see a sprayer in a field and think my husband helped build that. I am thankful for doctors and modern technology which is helping me through a recent event where I lost quite a bit of my hearing.

When we look around we should all be able to see the splendor of the earth and the gifts God has given us. I hope you have a wonderful turkey day and are able to spend it with someone you are thankful to have in your life.

Friday

FRIDAY doesn’t that word just relax your shoulders and cause a sigh. Well it does for me. Of course for us mom’s the weekend really doesn’t bring a whole lot of relief but what it does bring is family together and no schedules.  The kids probably will still get up at 6am but I won’t need to yell and scream and wake the dead that we NEED to leave for school in 5 minutes. It is a time to relax a little. Maybe go out to eat or watch a movie in the middle of the afternoon. Yes the weekend and after this week we need it.

There is always something going on in this house. It is a semi-organized chaos. Last weekend we had a tae kwon do tournament. I love those days. They are tiring and crazy but what proud mom moments. Seeing my son bow to the judges just made the tears flow. Here is a boy that last year couldn’t say a full sentence let alone go into a room of people without a full meltdown. WOW he did it and came home with two trophy’s. My daughter just kicks butt. I never imagined yelling and cheering for my daughter to KICK HER, KICK HER IN THE HEAD. I get into this. I am a tae kwon do mom at heart. Then the week went into school, audiologist appt for my son, sick kids, sick mom and OH YEAH halloweeen. Like I said semi-organized chaos.

Take a moment this weekend and breathe. Go outside and take wonder in the falling leaves, the cool crisp air and the autumn smells.  This is a time to make memories if it is pumpkin patch time, apple picking or raking the leaves. This is that little window of fun until it is white, cold and pick up that shovel.

white belt for the judges
white belt for the judges

It is FRIDAY just breathe.