Tag: family

A Good Cry

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Do you ever have a day when the world seems so very heavy and you don’t know if your shoulders can bare the weight of all of it anymore.  I am not typically a person that freaks out, or cries or wallows in pities of life.  I know of people that beat themselves up almost daily for decisions they have made and how they carry out their daily lives.  I have faults and have many mistakes but I try to move on.  

Yesterday I don’t know what happened.  I stepped away from the craziness of two kids playing the Hunger Games and just spent sometime by myself in my room.  I played some music and all of a sudden I felt a feeling come over me that made the tears flow.  I always try to be the person that holds it all together.  To be the person that finds the bright side to every dark situation.  I may not always believe in the bright side but I need to bring that out for the others involved.  Yesterday life just hit me and I cried.  I cried and cried and it felt good.  It was a release of all these pent up emotions.  There was nothing horrible I was harboring, but it is just the stresses and reality of everyday life.  There were issues in my childrens lives that I thought of, there were issues in my husbands life that came to front, there were issues in my own life that all seemed to hit me.  

It is odd how little things can do this to you.  How seeing something, or listening to something can bring up such emotions.  It was just a cummultive effect for me.  I received some information in the mail, information that was very useful to me but seeing it just brought reality to life.  Then hearing the lyrics of a song it allowed the floodgates to be opened.  I remember being a little girl and something would happen and I wouldn’t cry.  I wanted to be the strong one, the one that stood fast and had the brave face.  I can remember my dad coming into my room and explaining to me that crying frees the soul.  That a good cry is actually good for you and can get rid of toxins and other things that you are keeping in.  That usually did it then the tears would come.  

I believe in prayer.  I believe in Gods love for us and that we can always go to him in our time of need but also remember to go to him in our good times also.  I try to pray and be a good pray warrior.  I pray for others around me and I pray for my family and myself.  I believe that like this quote says above that the things that are going on in my life and in my families lives are being done for a greater purpose.  Things happen for a reason, these things we can learn from, we can grow from and we can change ourselves and others around us with the knowledge we have gained.  God has a purpose for us.  He is shaping us into the person we are to become.  It may be putting a burden on our heart for service, or a group of people that need a voice.  I pray I see this purpose and I may be put to work for the greater good of others.  

I had my good cry and from that I will work and pray to see what the greater purpose is and where I am needed.  

 

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Who am I…according to a quiz

If you don’t live under a rock and visit Facebook with any regularity you have seen quiz after quiz lately.  I have fun doing these quizzes and then having my husband do these quizzes and laughing about our results.

If I were to live my life by these quizzes I need to make a lot of changes, I am doing so many things wrong.  First I live in the wrong state.  As we have 1 degree right now with blowing snow I have a hard time debating this quiz.  One quiz I took said I should be living in the city of Portland.  My husband also got this result so maybe it is the correct answer.  I sure could get out of this horrible cold tundra.  I usually love Minnesota but right now it is getting me a little down.  I also got a quiz that said I should live in Kansas.  That wouldn’t be to bad.  Middle of the country and looks a lot like here.  Something to think of if life here gets too horrible.  I am sure these short quizzes with pick which song you like best knows the best for me.  Does the sarcasm come through.

Next I am a child of the 60’s according to one quiz.  I am going to agree with this one.  I come off as very conservative but if I could let some of this shyness go yes a child of the 60’s would be it.  I love the music of that era and the free-ness of it also.  I love the message of love yourself and others no matter who they are.  Isn’t that what we are called to do? Love our neighbors.  So I will play my 60’s music and teach my daughter how to make simple long hippie skirts like I did in college and try to pass it on to someone.  She might be a hard nut to crack.  Been around her dad, love him dearly, to long.  He is NOT a 60’s child at all.

Next is my career.  I should think long and hard about these results.  I was told I should be a writer.  I like that idea and when I was very young I wanted to write for a newspaper when I became an adult so again not so far off.  I went to college for Communicative Disorders and psychology.  I then worked at a maximum security prison for ten years before moving to the prairie.  I have done little jobs here and there but the main one is being a substitute teacher.  I enjoy it and I like seeing the kids grow and mature, well some of them.  I do want more and I think that is normal to want more.  I have thought about trying to do something in my field without getting that masters degree.  I have thought about getting a masters and I have thought about writing for a small town newspaper just like when I was a young girl.  So many question come up when taking a simple Facebook quiz.

The last one I am going to touch on is a quiz I had our whole family take this weekend.  It was what side of the brain are you?  Are you a left brain thinker so more logical and thought out or right brain which is spontaneous and creative.  I have this in the bag I thought I am the right brain.  I love trying to be crafty and create something.  Was I wrong!!! I got 91% left brain.  For some reason this crushed me.  Am I not creative? I am not spontaneous at all?  My husband got 50-50 which I thought was a joke.  He is not creative at all (I say that in love).  My daughter and son were also almost equal but with more going to the right brain side.  Wow these results really bothered me.  Was I so order driven and logical?  We talked about these results all weekend and I think they were correct.  I am left brain.  I love searching Pinterest for craft ideas.  The thing I noticed is I look at a craft and in my head it is what do I need, how do I set this up, when is the best time to try this.  Holy cow I think of order and logic in terms of creating, not just create.  Any health crisis that has come to my family I do more research then the FBI.  Any school meeting, IEP meeting etc…I seem to almost know more about the subject then the other members present.  I crave knowledge and information.  I research something every single day.  I think having 91% left brain is an OK thing.  We need all kinds to make the world go round.

Now do I believe that a simple quiz on Facebook can tell me about my life and how to live my life?  Probably not but it sure makes you think about the decisions I have made and my future that has not been written yet.

Birthday Party Fun

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My niece had a birthday this weekend so it is a perfect opportunity to travel to see my family.  Birthday’s are always special and fun to observe.  Even more fun when the birthday girl is a smiley, loving now 5 year old little girl.  Little Nora Mae is just a doll and I feel very honored to be her auntie Sara.  

We left to travel to the other side of the state.  I never thought going to the cities would be such a trek.  Now living 3 hours west of the cities it is an event to see large building and multi-lanes of traffic.  Growing up I could get to St Paul in under 20 minutes now it is like traveling to another world.  I love both places where we live, and the cities.  I love the cities for the hustle and bustle.  The variety of things to do and see and experience.  Everytime we enter the cities I feel this twinge of I wish we still lived here.  The kids eyes are always huge with everything from lights, buildings, cars on both sides of us and the list goes on and on.  The kids are rural and they are raised that way.  We live in a small town and by the end of a couple days in the urban setting we are ready to come home. There is something I love about a small town where you know everyone and they know you.  You wave to a passing car, you run into your friends at the drugstore or grocery store.  School is a smaller setting and the kids know everyone in their class and it just is a great place to grow up.  I guess there are pro’s and con’s to each so I am lucky that I have family living in the one so we have a good excuse to experience both.  

We took advantage of being in a metro area and did a little shopping and out for a meal.  Need to pick a restaurant we don’t have near home, and of course visiting with family and a birthday party.  

I don’t get to see my niece and nephew enough so every time I see them they are a little taller and a little more fun.  The kids had so much fun playing and chasing each other and spilling 2000 legos onto the floor.  They laughed and hugged and talked how they loved each other it was sweet and fun to see.  

The adults we had fun also.  My sister is a great hostess, she has a knack to entertain and she does it well.  My brother in law is a great guy, great sense of humor and a great host.  He hooked me up with his private stash of Captain Morgans and an Alabama Slammer drink he had made.  Just took a little bit of the shyness out of me and I was able to laugh and joke with my sister and her friends.  I was thinking later about my sister and her friends I remember when they were little jr high girls and so annoying to be around and now we are all mom’s and more on that level playing field when age no longer matters.  So instead of watching my sister and her friend perform dances to Hanson in my dorm room, I get to watch them be silly interacting with their kids. 

A fun weekend away, a time of family and friends, a time to celebrate birth.  Hope you all had some joy in your weekend.  

Valentines Week

It is fast approaching the day where we will all see pink and red hearts painted across the sky.  Well maybe that is a little dramatic but it seems like it.  I don’t know why but I have never been the lover of this day on the 14th of February.  I think I did as a child making a card box and having our party and passing out the little valentines to each of our classmates was fun but as I grew older the excitement fizzled.  Now I have loves of my life.  I love my husband and I adore my children but I think I can say and express I love you everyday with them.  I don’t need a special day to show them I love them. 

I have a fond memory of Valentines day when in college.  I was away to college in New Mexico and a couple friends and I decided to take a day and make homemade cards for our families and loved ones.  That was so fun we made hearts and took paper lace and made stacks of cards.  This is what the day should be to us every year in my opinion.  A want to show love and affection, not a deadline to get your card and buy buy buy and get caught up in the consumerism of the world.  I made cards for whom I loved.  Maybe my dislike started during the 10 years I worked at a prison.  Do you know how much mail can come through a maximum security prison at Valentines day….LOTS.  The girlfriends send those big cards, you know the ones that are as large a a child.  Then they proceed to pour an entire bottle of perfume on the card and send it in with the pictures no one should be taking to their man.  I am sorry that again wrong meaning of Valentines day. 

My husband and I already told each other that we love each other and there will be no gift buying this year.  With a totaled car last week and some health challenges in the last year we have expressed we are here for the other person and will continue to be there for them.  Our children yes- I will probably get them some candy and a card.  It is fun for them on this day but I hope they know everyday I am proud of them and love them to the moon and back. 

So we still need to make a valentine box for our son to take to school.  He wants one to look like a welder.  We need to get the cards and have him write his name on them.  That will be enough tears to last me a month, he is already whining about writing his name.  My daughter is just having a movie party without the cards.  It just cuts down on the drama in the class, I can see that. 

So Happy Valentines Week to you all.  I hope you have a wonderful day that you can tell people you love that you love and appreciate all they do in your life.  I will continue to kiss my kids goodnight and when I take my kids to school I always tell Greta I love her and Henry and I do the ASL sign for I love you to each other.  It is just our thing. 

Those that don’t have that significant other make sure you tell a co-worker, a parent, a friend or the cashier at the coffee shop that you thank them for being special in your life.  That is what the day means to me, a reminder that we are loved and we are called to love each other. 

Only when we walk in the dark we see the Stars

So I am sitting in the silence of the morning hours.  Sun hasn’t come up yet and words haven’t been spoken yet.  I think about this upcoming couple days and what the agenda will be.  Today we have Christmas program practice at church.  That is always a fun time.  Maybe a little chaotic.  Little ones running around trying to round them up like they are the sheep and we are the sheep dogs.  This afternoon I may try to get some of the house decorated for Christmas.  Kids are driving me nuts that we have to get that tree up.  True enough we need to do that.  Tomorrow is Church, Sunday school and then Caroling in the community.  Always a fun event.  Traveling in a group from one place to the next trying to spread some of the Christmas spirit.  We end the night with a soup supper always a highlight for our family.  I sit here this morning by the computer awed by the changes we have had this year.  I have a daughter that is excelling in school and over at the “big” school. She is just growing up out of that little girl.  My son who I didn’t think would be able to handle school LOVES to go to school and Sunday afternoon is just a long waste of time to get to Monday.  I look how our family is changed.  I was in such a fog of disbelief lately with my sudden hearing loss that I failed to notice the good things that are going on with our family.  So I have decided to try and make a list of the positives I have learned with having hearing aids and hearing loss.

1. I savor every I love you I get from my kids.  I was upset I still can’t hear the whispered ones but I know what they are saying it still melts your heart.

2. I enjoy the absolute silence I have in the house before everyone is up and after everyone goes to bed.

3. Watching has become very important to me.  Watching my kids interact.  Sure a kick comes into play but the holding of hands or cuddling together to read a book became even more precious.

4. Empathy- I feel I have more empathy with the kids at school that struggle at the things that seem so simple to other children.

gotta have some funny ones

5. We have a faucet that drips at times.  I can turn the hearing aid to mute and instant drip is gone.

6. Kids fighting in the bedroom. Again mute and fighting is gone for that moment.

I am glad that I took the time to write a list.  It makes you put things in perspective. Sometimes taking part of one sense away does open your eyes to other things around you.