Month: July 2017

Heartbroken

My mind and emotions are all over on this post so I hope I can make sense and also give a tribute to a very fierce and strong little fighter.

I have a good friend, you know one of those friends that you feel you can pour your soul out to.  This friend has a beautiful family.  She has a husband that is a welder and worked with my husband.  She also has two beautiful children that are similar in ages to my kids.  They love to play and just be wild together.  This beautiful friend became pregnant last year.  I was so excited for her to be a mother to another child.  She is a great mother and her kids glow with the love they are given.  It was early on in the pregnancy that problems arouse but I prayed and trusted all would be ok.  Charlotte Adella was born on February 3rd.  She was absolutely beautiful, little and pink.  Charlotte looked perfect but her heart was far from it.  This little girl had to go hurdle over hurdle from such a small age.  In fact Charlotte never left the hospital.  She lived her whole life in a hospital.  Charlotte was born with Noonan’s and had a rare heart condition she was the 11th case ever recorded in the world and never seen in this severity in a new born.  Charlotte never gave up she was fierce and tough.

When I would receive texts from her mom I loved seeing the pictures.  Charlotte had eyes that seemed to pierce my soul.  She could move mountains with those eyes.

charlotte

Myself and my family feel into a deep love with Charlotte.  We prayed for Charlotte each and everyday.  My first thoughts in the morning was how is the little princess doing and my last thought at night was Thank God she made it through another day.

Charlotte needed a new heart.  With my whole heart I believed that heart would come.  Charlotte would get the heart and her body would start to heal and she would move home with her family.  Her family had moved to the hospital a few hours away so it was months since I had seen my friend.  I missed her and my heart hurt for this horrible rollercoaster her life had become.

charbath

About a week or so ago I was shopping with my daughter and I received a text.  Charlotte wasn’t doing well and she was going to die the next day as machines would be turned off.  I about feel to my knees.  My daughter and I just held each other and cried in the hall of the mall.  How could this be happening.  I think of the pain and the hurt I felt and I know that isn’t a fraction of what Charlotte’s family was feeling in that moment.

We attended Charlotte’s wake and funeral.  She was absolutely beautiful.  I am so sorry I had to meet her finally in that way.  I feel privileged that I got to see her, my eyes and mind will make a memory of a beautiful girl dressed in a little white gown.  I found it not fair.  I was planning on going to see my friends and finally meet their little girl just 3 days before the funeral.  Who would have thought that the road would have turned and I would be attending a funeral instead.

I think of all the wakes and funerals I attended as a child and my dad always put his arm around me and said they are in a better place now.  They lived a good long life.  This funeral last week was my son’s first funeral.  I couldn’t say those lines.  Charlotte’s didn’t have a good long life.  Her life was taken from her way to soon.

Charlotte’s parents, Dave and Nikki are some of the strongest parents I know.  This is the second child I knew that passed away from a heart defect.  My heart aches for the parents and siblings of these children.  The hurt will never go away.  I wish there was a way to make it go away but that would erase that child’s memory which you don’t want to do.  Nikki will always be the mother to 3 beautiful children.

charfamilypic

I love Nikki as a sister and it hurts me so much that she has to go through this hurt and loss.  I pray for comfort but that just doesn’t seem like enough.  Fly high and free sweet baby girl.  Heaven has gained an absolutely beautiful angel.

When I heard the news of Charlotte’s passing this is the song I went and listened to- it seemed appropriate and allowed the tears to freely flow.

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