Month: December 2013
The Christmas Letter I didn’t get to send
Merry Christmas Grandma-
I can’t believe you have been gone for a couple months already. It seems like it just happened but so much of life has gone on it seems like a lifetime since I have gotten to talk to you. I have so much to tell you grandma. Some nights I just talk to you, I wonder if you hear that, I hope so.
It is Christmas week and we are all at mom’s house. It will be so different this year not having our Christmas on the 26th. The day will seem very empty this year. I just thought I would write out what I would love to tell you. I bought the almond gift this year, can’t let traditions die.
First off your boldness with people has rubbed off on me. I wonder if you are holding my hand because I have done a few things since you were gone that I would have never done before. First did you know I spoke at your funeral. I know shy me got up in front of all your loved ones and talked about how you were one of the most amazing people I had ever met. I got through it and felt a presence with me and I know it was you. Last month I gave my testimony at our Thanksgiving service at church. Again something I would had never entertained before. I believe you are with me and that comforts me.
The kids are doing so good MorMor. Greta and Henry both had parts in the Church Christmas program this year. They did such a good job. Greta has such a heart for the Lord and it shows so much. It makes my heart so happy. Henry earned his orange belt in taekwondo , and he is doing math in his head. Such a smart little boy, your prince Henry.
I am knitting and writing in the evenings. I need to find something to do that takes up the time from us talking. I miss our nights so much grandma. I miss our talks, I miss our cry’s. I need to talk to you about so many things. I would love to talk recipes again. I would love to hear the newest love triangles of the nurses at the home. I want to ask questions. I want to ask you about grandpa’s hearing loss, I want to know how it started, I want to know just more about it.
Grandma I need to end this in saying that I know you are around us and at work. How you got your 4-H papers to Greta, and how you reconnected me and a woman you introduced in my life at Greta’s age. I know you had a hand in all of this and I thank you.
I will miss you this Christmas but I hope you have a fabulous one with Grandpa in Heaven. He has waited so many years for this Christmas and I hope you will be together and looking down on your family.
Love your grand-daughter
Home
There is such a feeling of peace walking into my parents house. It is a place of memories and a place of love. We journeyed east this morning in light snow. Kids were so excited to see grandpa and grandma. Kids have already gone sledding with cousins down a natural luge through the trees of the St Croix Valley. Pictures will come soon. Enjoy this upcoming week with family and loved ones.
I will get my Christmas Spirit back
Wow almost Christmas and we are so busy it is just crazy town here. Christmas party tonight for the kids, school Christmas parties tomorrow for the kids. Traveling out of town this weekend for the Holiday and NOTHING IS DONE!!! I need to pack, I need to wrap presents, I need to make sure I have everything we need to travel.
Do you ever feel like you are in the trap of the hamster wheel. There is just so much going on but you just keep on running and running in that circle of life. You can see out of the corner of your eye all the other stuff that needs to be done but you just keep on running and running and that extra stuff gets left behind. That is how the holidays feel for me this year. I am going through the motions but nothing has hit me yet that it is here.
My life has changed in the past couple months and I needed to time to step back and reflect on this new normal. I went from why me, to is this going to get worse, to now it is I have moderate hearing loss lets except it and move on. I was kinda in this fog and sadly that fog took away the joy of getting ready for the Holidays. I feel behind now, I feel cheated somehow. I know it was my own doing but I feel the spirit of getting ready for this joyous time of year was taken from me this year. I will get it back. I am determined to get that feeling of Christmas back.
I will put the Christmas music on…LOUD. I will wrap presents, load a car and get kids ready for grandma’s. We won’t be riding a sleigh but we can go over a river and pass some trees to grandmothers house we go. We will remember what Christmas is to us. It is a time to remember that God gave his son for us to be our savior. It is a time to remember that this baby came into the world to die for our sins. I have everlasting life because of this babe in a manger. I don’t ever want that feeling to go away. I won’t be cheated.
The Day of my Son
So today was the day of my son from morning till night. The day started out today with an IEP meeting for my son. I am so happy with the progress Henry has made this year so far. We still have some issues but most of the conversation today was the positives. So we need to work on writing and reading so basically letters. He is wonderful at numbers and the testing really showed that strength. When Henry was very young he told me numbers lived in his tummy. I think those numbers are coming out. He loves math, patterns, and counting everything. The big needs are his sensory needs. I was told by each person that tested my son that his shirt, hand, or a chewy was in his mouth at all times. I was also told he was constant movement. Well that was no shock to me I live with him. Another concern brought up was his hearing. He has tested the past couple years at borderline hearing loss. We had a deaf/Hard of Hearing teacher at the meeting so she explained what he heard and how. She also explained how this hindered learning even having borderline hearing loss. So the question I was dreading came out. Is there any family history of hearing loss with Henry. Well I had to let my secret out. I don’t know why I didn’t want to say it but I had to say YES I have hearing loss at a moderate loss. I know what it is like to not be able to hear a conversation or concentrate so hard on someone talking it is physically and mentally exhausting. So everyone together is going to really watch him and make sure he can get the best out of his education. It was a good meeting and I think it will all be good.
Tonight was Henry’s orange belt test for TaeKwonDo. He didn’t pass tonight but did great. He sat at attention so well!! He even broke his first board. He did great and only needs to pass one item on Wednesday. I was very proud of all the kids there tonight.
It has been a day of being proud of my little man. I am sure there will be many more of these days-today was a good one. 
Christmas Program, TaeKwonDo test, and IEP’s Oh My
The week before Christmas is always busy it is crunch time. It is the week where you realize how much you didn’t get done getting to this point. This year I have the presents bought but are any wrapped…NOPE. This week will be a busy one. Tonight will be a night for memories. We have our Sunday School Christmas Program. Both Kids now their parts and hope they will be nice and loud up there tonight so I can hear their sweet voices. There is so much work that goes into the program. Getting the kids organized to get up on stage is a job in it’s own. It will be cute and special and I am looking forward to it.
Tomorrow morning is a day that brings worry to the pit of my stomach. We just had a bunch of testing for my son at school and tomorrow is the results and the new plan. The dreaded IEP meeting. There are so many people to this meeting I am a tad nervous and thinking this is overkill. I don’t know if they will all be there but it seems like a lot to me. So for my 5 year old it is the teacher, school psychologist, OT(has OT 3 times a week), SLP, PyEd teacher, Testing cordinator, principle, Deaf and hard of hearing teacher (Henry has borderline hearing loss), and the early childhood special education teacher. WOW that is a lot of people. I am a tad nervous what they will all say. He is doing well at school with a para and the Title 1 teacher so I don’t know what I will hear. I guess the fear of the unknown.
Tomorrow night is my son’s orange belt test for TaeKwonDo. A time to be proud and take lots of pictures. Greta my black belt daughter will be helping with the test. She takes her job very seriously helping these younger kids. Crossing fingers we have an orange belt kid at Christmas.
The week just continues to be busy, it is the time of year. This week is one for the kids- programs, tests, meetings OH MY. Just hope to find sometime in the week to find the time to get what I need to get done. The days are counting down to Christmas and FAST.
Hope you can all find the time to get your Holiday things done but find the time to make memories and savor those little times.
FLAT
I Live in the land of flat. In the prairie lands of Minnesota. There are times when seeing flat all the times gets old and we want more. I came from a valley so we had deep hills and high points all around us. It has a beautiful river and the greenery around just amazes the eyes. I go home and I see flat. We need to find the beauty in all situations and settings of life. I have learned to love the prairie. Being able to see miles at a time with nothing blocking the view is something to be marveled. Seeing a rainbow stretching through the sky and you can see the point of connection with our earth so breathtaking. One thing I love out here on the prairie that I didn’t have in the valley in native prairie grasses. These grasses can grow upwards of 6 feet and just sway at will with the wind. The night sky is so large it is looking straight into the heavens. It is a land of the flat but it is a land of beauty and God created this beauty for us to behold. 
Busy Day
Today was one of those days where you just fall into the couch in the evening and take a deep breath and just think of all that was done in a 24 hour period. My morning started at 5am when I had two great kids dropped off at my house to take to school in the morning. Helping a friend out who has helped me so many times. Then I had to drive to a neighboring town. Living in the middle of no where has advantages and disadvantages. One disadvantage would be a near 45 minute drive to any medical specialist, any major store, or restaurant. Well today was another audiologist appointment. I still could not hear anyone who was talking quietly or softly. I am not sure if I could when I could when I got the hearing aid or did my hearing slide a little more down. I am guessing the second of the two is what is happening. Well I had it upped two more levels and I think it will help. Technology is a beautiful thing seeing everything charted on a computer screen is really a cool thing. Maybe I am a nerd when it comes to that stuff but seeing where my hearing lies on the chart and what is being picked up and by how much is kinda cool. Left the office hearing a little more of the environment that I was missing. Wow you can hear jingling keys in your pocket.
Stopped by Target and you never know what you will see, or have the impulse to buy. I saw a friend from town shopping on her own also today so we shopped together and then out to breakfast. What a nice surprise. We talked that if we would have tried to plan this meeting and breakfast it would have never happened so nice to have a surprise like this. A great friend that we can talk freely about Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, school challenges, and life challenges. So nice to know your not alone in the world. A few more stops than the drive back home.
You know I said I wasn’t really in the Christmas spirit well I figured we better put a Christmas tree up so that was our after school project. The kids were nuts to get that tree up. Well they think it is the most beautiful tree they have ever seen. ME- It is awful. It is a cheap small artificial tree that is so misshapen it should be in the trash can. Only half the lights worked so it is very pieced together and I guess a tree only a child could love.
It was a busy day but a day of some new hearing, breakfast with a friend, and an ugly tree that has children in awe.
Fun and Fellowship
What an enjoyable evening. We had our annual caroling night with our church. It is an evening I associate with the Christmas season each year since moving here. I haven’t felt like my heart has been filled with the Christmas spirit until tonight. Hearing all the voices singing these Christmas songs filled my soul with the spirit of Christmas. Watching the little ones stand in front of our small crowd and entertain the nursing home and assisted living residents brings pride to my heart. They are learning to have a giving heart. We sang the standards including Silent Night which has always been my favorite. We had to sing some bell songs. Kids had bells and the need to ring them, Silver Bells can fill that need well. After each set of songs we would go around and wish each person there a Merry Christmas. I believe they were all pleased with our performance but I think we get a lot of it also. Travel back to the church where we had a soup supper and a time of fellowship and a couple of games. How nice is it to sit down and have a group of woman who I can share my fears, joys, and just plain laugh with. It is a wonderful feeling and a feeling I never had till this part of my life. I have had friends before but never a group that I could bare my soul to and I believe they would do the same with me. It is a comforting feeling to know that you have a support system in place that cares for your family the same you care for theirs. It proves to us that blood does not make a family. Love and concern for a person does. Tonight I had a wonderful night with my family in Christ.
Only when we walk in the dark we see the Stars
So I am sitting in the silence of the morning hours. Sun hasn’t come up yet and words haven’t been spoken yet. I think about this upcoming couple days and what the agenda will be. Today we have Christmas program practice at church. That is always a fun time. Maybe a little chaotic. Little ones running around trying to round them up like they are the sheep and we are the sheep dogs. This afternoon I may try to get some of the house decorated for Christmas. Kids are driving me nuts that we have to get that tree up. True enough we need to do that. Tomorrow is Church, Sunday school and then Caroling in the community. Always a fun event. Traveling in a group from one place to the next trying to spread some of the Christmas spirit. We end the night with a soup supper always a highlight for our family. I sit here this morning by the computer awed by the changes we have had this year. I have a daughter that is excelling in school and over at the “big” school. She is just growing up out of that little girl. My son who I didn’t think would be able to handle school LOVES to go to school and Sunday afternoon is just a long waste of time to get to Monday. I look how our family is changed. I was in such a fog of disbelief lately with my sudden hearing loss that I failed to notice the good things that are going on with our family. So I have decided to try and make a list of the positives I have learned with having hearing aids and hearing loss.
1. I savor every I love you I get from my kids. I was upset I still can’t hear the whispered ones but I know what they are saying it still melts your heart.
2. I enjoy the absolute silence I have in the house before everyone is up and after everyone goes to bed.
3. Watching has become very important to me. Watching my kids interact. Sure a kick comes into play but the holding of hands or cuddling together to read a book became even more precious.
4. Empathy- I feel I have more empathy with the kids at school that struggle at the things that seem so simple to other children.
gotta have some funny ones
5. We have a faucet that drips at times. I can turn the hearing aid to mute and instant drip is gone.
6. Kids fighting in the bedroom. Again mute and fighting is gone for that moment.
I am glad that I took the time to write a list. It makes you put things in perspective. Sometimes taking part of one sense away does open your eyes to other things around you.
Musings of a Momma 