Flasher, amplifiers, and levels oh my

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When I started my new job at the radio as the program director and a morning show host I didn’t ask for any accommodations. I had this feeling I had it all under control and I can make it work. The more I worked the more I loved my job but the more I hated the phone. 

I don’t spend much time on the phone but each day I have a trivia question on-air so I have callers call in with their quesses. I have asked these poor callers WHAT a few to many times, and I can’t hear the phone ring. It was time I ask for what I need. 

It took some real courage even though I know the law backs me asking but it is still is unnerving. I was met with an immediate positive response. I wasn’t shocked just overly excited. To have an employer who understands and I can have an open dialog with is priceless. 

The next day the flasher was installed. What a great little gadget. The flash gets my attention and I don’t have the need to worry I am missing calls. 


Well now I can get the calls but had to address the volume of the phone issue. Again I was met with if it will help we will get it.  Now the phone is amplified! 


So between the flasher, amplifier and watching the meters I can be successful in a job I absolutely love everyday. 


Getting accommodations and allowing one to succeed in a career is a very freeing feeling. One so much that I decided to come out of the “hearing loss closet”. The other day when I was about to do my segment called “timetravel” I talk about what has happened on that day in history. On a day last week I noticed that the first event was the first electric hearing aid was patented. I decided this was a sign. I did disclose my hearing loss on-air. I hope it reached even just one listener. Just one that maybe can relate, maybe one that needs a hearing test and have been putting it off.  I have been urged to be myself and that is exactly what I was, it feels good. It feels good to love what you do everyday. 

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Farm Auction

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This past week was a bittersweet day, my father in law and his brother had a farm auction.  They have both retired from farming and it was time to get rid of the machinery so an auction was in order.  I know this wasn’t my birth family but I have been part of the Lundquist family for 20 years.  They are my family and I have grown to love the spring and fall hub-bub of the farm.  If it was delivering a picnic lunch to eat in the field.  If it was finding my husband in a field and we got to do a quick hug and kiss behind a tractor there was something powerful about it.  Something from the soil that sinks deep into your soul.  There is a pride aspect there that you are feeding the world.  I loved going on those cool crisp autumn days and bringing coffee and a snack to the guys working out in the fields.

That time is gone now for the Lundquist family.  The land is there but being farmed by another family.

An auction is a family and community affair.  Everyone comes to see what is for sale, to the support the family, and see what things sell for.  I didn’t make the auction I was working but I talked about the auction a lot on air, I work on the radio.  I went to the farm after work and heard all about the sale and I saw lots of smiles.  I knew it went well.

The Lundquist’s may not be farming that land anymore but their blood and life is still in that soil.  When their hands held that dirt and dug in that dirt their linage and their story went into that dirt.  There are history, stories, and tears being held in that soil.  That soil provided for many families and generations.  That black dirt holds the DNA of families that worked hard, loved God, and loved their families.

 

16 Years Since We Have Talked

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This past weekend marked 16 years since my grandpa has passed.  My heart still aches for him almost daily.  I don’t know if I have ever felt such a strong connection to an individual than my grandpa.  This was a man that was gruff, he swore, drank and smoked till that nearly killed him.  He was a real man.  He was a man with convictions.  He was a man that had ever fiber of my being wrapped around his finger.  I had the privilege of living on the same street as my grandpa from 4th grade till 10th grade when we moved.  We even lived with my grandparents on two short term stints.  To walk, ride my bike to their house is an amazing gift I had as a child.  To see him driving down the street or come into the cafe for a cup of coffee when I was working was so special.  I was truly blessed to have that time with him.  He was hard on me.  He would ask how my classes are going, ask about my grades.  He was so proud of me when I attended college and then graduated with a Bachelors degree.  I will never forget the hug and I knew you could do it kid comment I got from him.

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When Chad met my grandpa I think he was in shell shock.  He didn’t know how to take his abuse.  If you knew Duane or Mickey as his friends called him he did give abuse and grief to you.  That is how you knew he accepted you.  You were one of the group and the family then.  One of my favorite memories of grandpa and Chad were right after we were married.  Chad got hurt at work and burned one hand pretty bad and he broke his finger and messed up the other hand pretty bad also.  So he was pretty much worthless with his hands for a few days.  I had invited my grandparents over to our house and I had made a ham.  I watched my grandpa grab Chad’s plate and he cut up his food.  A simple gesture but it made such a profound impact in my memories.

I remember the night of my grandpas death like yesterday.  Our phone was down and the phone company needed to come and repair the line.  I had called my parents from a pay phone that morning and alerted them we didn’t have a phone till the repair guys came.  This was before we had cell phones.  Chad and I went that day to Eau Claire, WI and did some shopping and I remember I bought a new spring jacket at Sears, of all the things to remember.  We went to bed and Chad woke me up past midnight that someone was knocking on the door.  We went to the door and there was my dad and grandma.  They had driven to Hammond WI to tell me that Grandpa died that night.  They knew my phone didn’t work and they didn’t want us to find out the next day.  My dad driving grandma over to my house is a courtesy I can never forget.  It was the saddest moment but also most touching moment in my life.  They cared enough to deliver the news in person to me after they had just lost their dad and husband.

16 years ago, I can’t believe it has been that long.  I so wish he could have met my children.  How he would have loved Greta and Henry.  How he would have loved to give them a hard time.  To see them preform in band, or school activities.  Maybe see them in a baseball/softball game.  He would have loved to see his great grand-kids because he would have been a “great” Grandfather.

I will always have the memories or my grandfathers pants hanging from the dining room chair with his service gun sitting on the table.  It was a ritual for him and one I miss seeing.

I have had several dreams with grandpa in them through the years.  They bring such comfort but also really mess with my head for days after those dreams.  They are so real, it is as if he is talking to me about a situation in my life now.  I really believe grandpa has helped me with numerous decisions in the past few years.  He visited me in a dream most recently after I accepted the job at the radio.  He told me to go for it.  He told me that I can talk crap and I can be anyone’s friend and that is what I needed to be a local voice on the radio.  I was very conflicted when I got the offer of the job and this really made my heart go in agreement with my brain.  Grandpa said go for it.  I am so glad I did because I am so happy and I hope to God he knows that!

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Back on the Air

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I am back on the airwaves of radio and I couldn’t be happier.  It has been a crazy few weeks, I have to share what has transpired.  I received a phone call a few weeks ago from a friend of mine who has a radio show that I happened to be a guest on and talked about my hearing loss.  She asked what I was doing for a job and then let me know that there was an opening at our local radio station.  Now I have done radio before at a top 40 station.  I really enjoyed the vibe a radio station has.  People are real I have noticed.  I enjoyed radio but at that time it wasn’t a good fit.  I drove 40 minutes one way to work overnights Friday-Sunday.  It just wasn’t good for a family and I couldn’t physically do it anymore.  This phone call I received really threw me for a loop.  I wasn’t looking and I was asked.  I decided this was a sign and I needed to follow through.  After a couple interviews, going on air and a few emails, I was offered the job of morning show host and program director at the station.

I was in shock and frankly I felt like I was floating on a cloud.  So much to learn and give notices.  I cried the morning I gave my notice with the family I PCA with.  I love their family and I didn’t want to put them in a bind but I really knew I needed to do this.  I needed a career.  As I trained the past couple weeks I realized how happy I am.  I don’t remember being this happy and completely elated thinking of work and my work life.  I absolutely know I made the right choice.

Today was my first day doing MY show.  I named it Sunrise with Sara.  I think it went pretty well.  I had a couple times the flow wasn’t how I would like it but that will come.  Again I just can’t explain how happy I am.

Friday my hearing loss came up in the office.  It is something I will talk about but hard to bring up.  We had a great talk about my loss and hearing loss in general.  It was like that big elephant has been addressed and I can go on just fine now.  I have learned that radio is very visual and I depend a lot more on my eyes than my ears.  Levels and what is being broadcast is all visual.  It is just a very good fit for me.

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I am trying to take this career change as a total change.  I want a change in job, body and mind.  This week is my new show and I take the bull by the horns.  Changes are coming for this girl.

Please feel free to tune in to the radio station anywhere in the world.  Listen live on-line.  We have a diverse mix of music which I love.  We might have some Garth Brooks which goes into Indigo Girls which goes to Bruce Springsteen maybe some Ozzy Osbourne and round it out with the Beetles.  Where else can you get that kind of mix.  www.935kscr.com 

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Finding Love

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Valentine’s Day is here. I am not a girl that gets flowers, or gifts. I am not upset about this, just our relationship. In fact I told my husband I was going to have some balloons delivered to his workplace today. He told me tomorrow divorce papers would be delivered to me. He is just not a guy of public displays of affection, but always has a kiss or an I love you for me. I love my husband and I thought this Valentine’s Day would be a good time to tell how we met. 

Many many years ago I was working for the State of Minnesota. During that time in order to get a promotion or another job you had to take a written test and be put on a list. I was taking a test on a Saturday morning in St Paul. On the way out I grabbed a Meeting People magazine. I should back up a tad. I had just gotten back from a semester of school down in New Mexico. During my time there I found myself a little more, I tried to break out of the very hard shell of insecurity I had around me. During my time away I broke up with my boyfriend that had become very controlling. I realized I was worth more. 

A week or so before this fated Saturday my mom had made the comment, “you should let me pick your husband.” Well that was the craziest thing I had ever heard. But in saying and thinking that why couldn’t a parent know what is good for their child. Would they want their child to be unhappy or in a bad marriage? Still I didn’t like the idea of this at all. Now we are back to the Saturday and the Meeting People magazine. I got home and threw the magazine at my mom as a joke. Asking her to pick my husband, in a very sarcastic tone. 

Few days had past and the magazine was given back to me with dog eared pages and circles drawn. I thought are you kidding me she actually went though this thing. I was really in shock. I expected this had been thrown away. 

I went downstairs and decided to read the ads mom had circled. There was one ad that stood out to me. One that seemed to call to me. I did the unthinkable.  I wrote a letter. I told of me, of our new puppy, school and my major. I sent this letter off with no mention to ANYONE. 

A few weeks passed and my family got another new piece of technology, caller ID. A Chad Lundquist kept calling our house but we were never home. Messages were never left. This was about driving my father nuts. Who is this Chad and what does he want. Finally one night he called and I was home. He was the placer of the ad. We talked on the phone that night almost 2 hours. There was an immediate connection over the phone. I had to go upstairs and tell my parents who I was on the phone with. They were shocked and even more shocked I had answered an ad. 

We talked a bunch of times on the phone. Finally we met and had dinner, a drink and a movie. Worst movie ever but it was fun. We doubled dated with a friend and her boyfriend for the movie. Wow that would have been 1998. Seems like so long ago but at the same time last week. 

I loved dating Chad. We had so much fun. What I love is I could open up to Chad. I could tell him anything. The dark secrets you hold inside were easy to tell him. From our first meeting to our wedding was two years. Lots of has happened to us. Lots of stuff that probably would have caused couples to split. I love Chad he is my Valentine. 

He surprises me still. A couple nights ago we were driving home and he grabbed my hand and said he was proud of me. It took me off guard. He explained he was proud of me and the volunteer jobs I hold. He is proud of me for putting myself out there. That comment while holding my hand is exactly the kind of Valentine’s gifts I need. He is my Valentine. 

One Foot in the Present and One in the Past

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Do you ever get that feeling that you are living in the wrong period of time.  Don’t get me wrong I love all the new modern technology.  A lot of technology has helped me in this world. Digital hearing aid, streamers, and personal loops have made a huge difference for me.  I also love the internet.  What I am getting at is crafting, cooking, gardening.  I know people do these things now in time but I don’t believe it is as prevalent than generations before us.

I enjoy having my garden.  Snapping peas or beans, making a BLT with a homegrown tomato is wonderful.  It sure beats a store bought any day of the week.  Seeing the plants grow, getting to maturity get me excited for canning.  Another skill that is declining.  I love to water bath can and to pressure can.  Knowing we have food and meals on a shelf is a satisfying feeling.  You never know when money may be tight, storms and you can’t get to a store, or a zombie apocalypse.  All very plausible and canned goods would be imperative.  Can you tell I am thinking spring!

Cooking from scratch is another lost art.  There is plenty of people that cook but there are so many box meals, take out, fast food.  Don’t get me wrong we do that also but I am trying so hard not to.  I want to use basic whole food ingredients for my family.  I want and enjoy making a meal from start to end.  Can be a little stressed on nights where there are evening activities but I get it accomplished most nights.  Knowing what is in our food I believe is the first step in trying to get healthy.  Slow and steady wins the race I have been told.  Call me old fashioned but I feel if I am home before my husband it is my job to make a meal for us all.  Minus the tablecloth, good china, a dress and a string of pearls.

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Lastly is crafts.  I love crafting.  I love seeing something in a magazine or online and trying to make it.  If that would be painting, jewelry, or decorating.  My main craft I go back to for almost 30 years is knitting.  For a birthday when I was a teenager I received a wicker basket with knitting needles and blue and yellow yarn from my aunt.  She taught me to knit and I made my first scarf that was an homage to my Swedish heritage.  I have left knitting behind at times but it is like an old friend and always welcomes me back.  When I attended college in New Mexico blankets were knitted for people.  It was a good past time.  Scarfs and hats have been made for my children.  For a while I knitted and sold my items under, Ausome Knits.  My knitting needles have been out again this winter.  A new scarf for my son, a couple birthday gifts are being made.  Tonight at church we are having a crafting night.  Bring what ever projects you are working on and we can fellowship and work on them together.

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Now there are some skills I wish I could get a little stronger at.  Sewing, I have a couple sewing machines.  I would like to boost my skills in this area. Also small needle crafts like cross stitch.  I have never done this but I think it looks like another good past time.

Could I live in another time period.  I think I could.  It wouldn’t be as easy as now but heck I have never owned or had a dishwasher so that dreaded chore would be the same.  Going to have to live one foot in the present and one in the past.

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Super Bowl 2017

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Super Bowl in America is like an unofficial holiday.  Snack food is on display at all the stores.  People are asking you who are you cheering for this year.  Parties are held, bars are full and friends and families get together.

A few weeks ago I told my husband I wanted to host a party this year.  We used to attend a yearly party with friends.  I have great memories of those parties.  Kids playing, food galore, guys watching the game, and lots of laughter.  He agreed to the party and I got started trying to organize my small soiree.  I decided to make a turkey and we would have shredded turkey sandwiches.  Other food would be brought so I wanted the main dish type food covered.  We cleaned the house, made sure we had enough seats, made the food, and got excited.

I am not a football fan.  I will watch a game more often now in my life since my husband and son are interested in it.  My son is 8 and he is going to play for the Seattle Seahawks some day.  Just giving everyone fair warning we may may have to brag a lot when that happens.

There was something different this year than going to other get together’s or parties.  It was hosted at my home.  A person with hearing loss can have great anxiety when with a group of people.  I used to think this was unique to me but after finding my tribe I have learned I am not alone on this topic.  I enjoy socializing with people but that first step out the door going to a social event terrifies me.  If it is a home party, a meeting, or even church I feel like I could be physically ill.  Knowing when I am in a group of people my hearing for comprehension drops like a rock.  I try to answer the most obvious questions but that can often be wrong.  I think they asked, “How are you?” I answer, ” I am great how are you doing?” they do a little laugh and then re-say their question which was not what I answered at all.  I feel my cheeks burn and I am embarrassed and feel stupid.  I probably shouldn’t feel these emotions but I do.  I am human and that is what I feel.  Being in a group of people, like a Super Bowl party there is laughing, kids yelling, TV is on, a few different conversations going on.  It is darn hard to focus on one conversation and follow.  Saying all this I had a great time last night.  We had enough food I could have fed the whole block.  We had a great turnout.  We were missing a few due to illness, darn germs.  There were a few times I just checked out.  I faced the TV and watched the game and was amazed how into the game I got.  It was a nail-bitter that is for sure.  I was able to escape to my kitchen, or my room for just a few minutes if needed.  The Lundquist 1st Annual Super Bowl Party I believe was a success.  I hope our guests equally enjoyed the company of friends and fellowship.  Next year is already on my calendar.  It will be a big deal next year as it is held in Minneapolis.  I am excited and so relieved that the night went well.

I was cheering for the Falcons but it was a good game and it held your attention until the bitter end.  Football, Food, Friends, and some funny commercials was a great end to the weekend.

A Burden

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I have a woman’s name that is lying heavy on my heart.  I just learned about this woman yesterday.  It consumed my thoughts all day.  Let me back up and I will explain.

I arrived at work yesterday.  I am a personal care attendant in a private home.  Dr Phil was on the TV when I arrived.  I have never been a huge Dr Phil fan but I watch it and more often than not I can get pulled into the episode.  Dr Phil had a guest Bethany Storro, a woman who survived having acid thrown into her face.  What makes this shocking is Bethany did this to herself.  A failed suicide that had to be accompanied by horrible pain.  When she realized she wasn’t going to die, and made a huge personal mistake, she said she was attacked.  She said someone did this to her, a big mistake.  She didn’t point out a certain person but she gave a description.  She later retracted her statement and took the blame for the act.  She was charged and went to court were fines and time were given to her.  This is where the story ends in the newspapers.  I researched more on Bethany yesterday and what I read was horrible.  She was told to die in these articles.  She was called dumb, idiotic, ugly and deserved to die.  When did common human decency go out the window.

That was the back story, now why this is lying on my heart.  Bethany had a speech impediment. I could hear it and thought maybe acid near her mouth might have caused this.  Dr Phil did more questions and was very kind with Bethany.  It then was brought out.  Bethany is hard of hearing.  She has a deaf accent.  She poured her soul out with Dr Phil that because of her lack of hearing she has always felt like a burden.  This brought instant tears to my eyes.  She felt like a burden for her lack of hearing.  This ripped at my heart.  How was she raised? Did she have parents that advocated for her? Did she have a mentor to show her that life can be good? All these questions swirled in my mind.

I work as a deaf/hard of hearing role model with Lifetrack in Minnesota.  It is a new groundbreaking program that pairs a family that just got a diagnosis of hearing loss for their precious child with an adult who has hearing loss.  They can learn and see that this isn’t a dark road they have to walk alone.  These kids can do anything.  These children can grab the brass ring like any other child their age.  Deaf and Hard of Hearing kids are not a burden because they can’t hear.  I have attended many Hands and Voices events and I see children that are full of life and energy and promise not a burden.  These children are tought to self advocate.  A very hard skill to learn for anyone but they are learning it young.  Skills that will take them far.  I have learned so much from these young children to young adults, they are remarkable.

Bethany of course has mental illness on top of her hearing loss but I just sense it all was a cumulative effect from her hearing and her speech.  Did she learn to self advocate, did she have adults that advocated for her as a child?  I look into my own life again with a son that has an IEP (Individual Education Plan).  He has had an IEP since age 3 and we know he will have one for sure for the next 3 years to 5th grade.  We have tried to do the best for him.  He doesn’t have huge issues but every smaller hurdle he has we have been there with him.  From a fluctuating hearing loss, to being on the Autism spectrum, to learning disabilities.  We are helping him and trying to teach him how to self advocate for himself.  Advocating as an adult is hard, you put yourself out there and exposed.  It is daunting at times but so valuable and needed.

People are not a burden.  People need a hand at times, people need help. We have a job as a fellow human being to help them.  Bethany ended the interview with saying she was sorry.  She was sorry for the pain and problems she caused.  Dr Phil had the perfect response, you don’t need to apologize there is no need.  You have a hearing impairment which lead to speech problems.  You never felt like you fit in.  You now have a burned face and still show your face and get out there.  You are brave and you have grown.  Now Bethany can read lips and says she still see’s people saying she is ugly, she is stupid, and she should have died.  Please have compassion people, this world would be so different if we can just remember no one is perfect and we are not a burden.  We all have a purpose and we are all wonderfully made.

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A New Year

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A new year has seemed to creep up on us. 365 days seem to be a long time but when living, working, and enjoying life a year is fleeting. The holidays were a great time of family. We traveled across the state to spend time with my family. We had a wonderful time visiting with everyone. I had a realization when visiting this time. It wasn’t home. Yes my childhood home and early married life. This time it felt like a visit not coming home. When driving back to the land of the flat that was home. It was like I was outside looking in. I enjoyed my visit but it no longer seemed like a place I want to go back to. We have established a life on the other side of the state. In saying that we had a great time. We shopped, visited, went out to eat. We went to a morning movie complete with recliner chairs. That was a first for Chad and I. It was quality time with family. 

I took each child individually and we did a little early morning exploring. Greta, I took her to downtown Stillwater. We drove around and checked out the ice castle that was being built. 


Henry I took to the Bayport park to check out the St Croix River. This was a place I spent almost everyday. I swam in the river everyday and we played on the ice in the winter. One of my favorite spots. 


Christmas Day was at my grandmas house like everyday since ever. We have moved up in technology. This year was a group selfie picture. 


Always a great time with everyone. Christmas Eve was at my parents house. I absolutely love watching the kids with their cousins. 


We travelled back and headed to the farm for the Lundquist Christmas. Again a very fun gathering. I can truly say I am very blessed with having 2 great families. 


Now we are in 2017. I am not a big one to make resolutions. I at least don’t say them out loud. I want my family to be healthy. That is a big one for this year. I want more unplugged times also. Games, reading, and outside time. I have taken knitting up again. Greta is playing here ukulele she received from us. Henry is planning World War 3 with nerf guns. Chad always has his nose in a book. Just need to make these things more prominent. 

So the year marches on. Henry is in basketball and bowling. He is my sports lover. Greta is in knowledge bowl, speech and numerous other activities. We are busy and that is good. 

I wish you all a happy New Years! 365 days will go fast. 

Christmas

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Christmas is almost here. A favorite time of year for me. I love the time to gather with friends and family. Times to see the beauty of the lights that are strung on houses and trees. I love to see the beauty that surrounds our saviors birth. 

With living in a larger house this year comes with putting up a larger tree. I am in love with the tree, the lights and the majesty. Ornaments that my children had made look beautiful. 


I have hung a few Christmas or winter pictures around the house. 




Outside is decorated also. We took an afternoon and filled and decorated milk cans. I love these old milk cans. Brings that vintage feels to an outdoor display. 


I am ready for this season. Presents are wrapped, cards are addressed. Christmas program practice is underway at church. This year I am helping the kids sign Silent Night. It should be a beautiful performance being done in sign language and being sung. 

I want to thank you all for taking a moment to read my blog. I want to wish you all a merry Christmas. I hope you all feel the peace of the season.