Category: jobs

Flasher, amplifiers, and levels oh my

When I started my new job at the radio as the program director and a morning show host I didn’t ask for any accommodations. I had this feeling I had it all under control and I can make it work. The more I worked the more I loved my job but the more I hated the phone. 

I don’t spend much time on the phone but each day I have a trivia question on-air so I have callers call in with their quesses. I have asked these poor callers WHAT a few to many times, and I can’t hear the phone ring. It was time I ask for what I need. 

It took some real courage even though I know the law backs me asking but it is still is unnerving. I was met with an immediate positive response. I wasn’t shocked just overly excited. To have an employer who understands and I can have an open dialog with is priceless. 

The next day the flasher was installed. What a great little gadget. The flash gets my attention and I don’t have the need to worry I am missing calls. 


Well now I can get the calls but had to address the volume of the phone issue. Again I was met with if it will help we will get it.  Now the phone is amplified! 


So between the flasher, amplifier and watching the meters I can be successful in a job I absolutely love everyday. 


Getting accommodations and allowing one to succeed in a career is a very freeing feeling. One so much that I decided to come out of the “hearing loss closet”. The other day when I was about to do my segment called “timetravel” I talk about what has happened on that day in history. On a day last week I noticed that the first event was the first electric hearing aid was patented. I decided this was a sign. I did disclose my hearing loss on-air. I hope it reached even just one listener. Just one that maybe can relate, maybe one that needs a hearing test and have been putting it off.  I have been urged to be myself and that is exactly what I was, it feels good. It feels good to love what you do everyday. 

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Life is Busy and Hard

end-of-a-chapter

Last night was the end of a chapter in my life.  In July of last year I was hired to work at a radio station.  I really enjoyed the job, in fact I enjoyed each part of my job except the logistics.  I worked overnights, on weekends, in a town that is a 40 minute away, and the pay wasn’t the greatest.  I pushed through and went to work but I felt myself falling and I could feel my emotional being crumbling.

I am working at the school still as a substitute teacher.  I also am back working as a PCA (personal care attendant).  This takes 5 days a week and then the radio station was Friday-Sunday so no days off.  Being married, 2 active children this was just a recipe for disaster.  I put my chin up and did it for almost the whole school year but I just couldn’t do it anymore.  I was in tears just thinking of being up all night and doing weekends with zero sleep.  Last night was my last shift at the radio.

It is a bittersweet feeling.  It is one of relief that I can sleep, I can be with my family on the weekends.  I can attend scouting and 4H events again that are always on weekends.  It is a deep feeling of peace for my family.  In the same breath it is one of failure.  I have never quit a job unless it was for moving or changing life directions like going to college or graduating from college.  I have never been one that just quit a job because it wasn’t fun anymore.  Lord knows I have had a few of those but I stuck with it.  Even telemarketing in college.  I hated it with every bone in my body but it was a short term job and I knew once I started I finished.  I don’t quit.  I think that is the strong German blood that flows through my veins.  It is one for dedication and hard work.  So I learned in this process of quitting that I had to weigh the two. Do I do my duty and stay with a job? Do I look at my mental well being and my families togetherness?  As my wise momma told me, “You will never get this time back with your kids.  If you feel like your absent now it will only grow more and more and you can’t do anything about it.”  I choose to do something and gave my notice a month ago.

Will I miss the radio, you betcha.  I really enjoyed my co-workers and having people comment, “I heard you on the radio last night.”  I will continue to listen to the stations I worked on and have great pride I was once part of that.  For me now, I will welcome sleep at night and enjoy our time together.

I Need To Keep My Head Up

drowning picture

This past month I have felt like this a lot.  I have felt like I am drowning.  Yes I try to be the optimist, the glass is half full type of girl.  I just can’t keep that up all the time.  I can’t keep the smile on my face that everything is fine and everything is great.  I am the glue that tries to keep it all together in my family but lately I am having a hard time doing this.

I finally confided in my husband and told him that I am really having a hard time keeping it all together lately.  I feel like I am drowning and I am sick of keeping the smile on my face when I miss half a conversation and have no idea what someone said to me when they walk up to me at school or church.  I am sick of working so hard to understand all that is being said.  I am just sick and tired of life being hard.

Everyone has troubles in their lives and I try not to ever be a person that says well my troubles are worse than your troubles.  I hate when someone says, “At least it is not cancer.”  Yes I am glad of that also but guess what hearing loss, a son on the autism spectrum, anxiety, and so on isn’t that great either.  Everyone has trials in their lives, let them grieve and work through their trials.  Don’t discount it that a problem isn’t big enough, in their life it is a mountain.

My husbands employer has this new health insurance hoops you have to jump through.  We have to do an online health assessment and then talk to a health advisor.  I am fine with this until they talked to me about the stress and anxiety aspect.  1st off they knew of the hearing loss since that was one of the questions I had to answer.  They asked why I have stress.  I told them I walk into a building and I always feel off guard at first if I will understand people talking to me and understand what is being said there.  Their answer was deep breathing and I just need to believe and tell myself that everything is good and I can hear it all.  REALLY- I was hoping for some relaxation techniques.  I informed them I can’t make the hearing loss go away so in reality I am not going to hear it all.  They came back with I can tell myself I hear fine and that will take care of the stress.  Wow I didn’t know how to respond.  If this is what the insurance companies are going to tell us we can will all our troubles and our worlds troubles away.

I work at the school as a substitute teacher.  It seems to be getting harder and harder in some ways.  I like certain classrooms a lot, I like the high school.  I know I can hear decent in them and I know I won’t run into problems.  But the hallways, lunchroom, and the elementary school I just want to run away.  I feel like the air is being squeezed out of me.  I hate it and there is no way I can hear anything.  The elementary school is like a horror movie for me.  Little voices and always a sea of background noise I just cringe going in there.  This past week I was to work at the elementary school Monday and Tuesday.  I felt sick all weekend even thinking about these two days.  I don’t know what my negative feelings did but we ended up getting an early November snowstorm, we received over a foot of snow.  SNOW DAY on Monday and two hours late on Tuesday.  My prayers were answered!!! I hate that I dread going to work or certain places.  I hate that I have this sense of failure of events coming up.

I just need to get over these feelings.  I will, I am not worried about it.  I will learn some new coping techniques.  I am trying to learn speech reading which I really believe will be a huge asset to me.  I need to reach out to the friends that I know will be there when there is a bad day and understand.  I need to speak up, I need to say what I need instead of saying sorry like I was a problem.

It is going to be a long winter I am afraid.  This will be my winter to learn new things.  Maybe just maybe when spring comes again I will have some new skills and instead of this drowning feeling I am having I will be having a sense of renewal, just like my tulips coming up to see the sun.

Plot Twist

plot twist

I like order, and I like things planned out whether it is on paper or in my head.  This summer was spent trying to figure out this next year of my life.  What would I do for a job, I longed for a change.  To make a difference in someones life not a sub that floats in and out each day different.  I tried for other jobs and nothing seemed to work out.  I finally took a job and I was excited for it.  The job ended last week after I quit.  I was not disclosed some pretty important information and for that reason I quit.  I felt upset, scared and betrayed.  I had this year planned out in my head and now it is all gone.  I took the week and thought pretty long and hard of what happened and I believe I can just say PLOT TWIST and move on.  Life didn’t go how it was all planned out in my head.  God is the only one that can know our future and he knew this turn was going to take place.

I went back to subbing last week and spent two days at the school.  It felt great catching up with the kids and hearing what they had done for their summer vacations.  It was nice to see staff and say our hello’s.  It wasn’t how I was expecting to spend those days but it was familiar and comfortable.  I still don’t want to be a sub forever.  I need more of a purpose a beginning and end of what I am doing to know that I made a difference on someones life.

Chad, my husband, said to me this weekend “Sara you are pushing 40 it is about time to figure out what you want to do with your life.”  That is so true.  I went to school, then graduated college, obtained a full time job.  Never something I loved but it was an income my desires were to be a wife and a mother.  I was successful on that front and that is what matters most in my life.  I feel this pull now, I am in my research phase now of different career choices.  I get a little nuts when I find a topic I enjoy.  I will stay up till the wee hours of the morning, reading, and making notes.  I am starting to put some feelers out will be doing some work on some different ideas in the next couple weeks.  Maybe it is not in the stars for this path to open up but we will just have to see what happens in my life.

Remember when something happens that you weren’t expecting just yell Plot Twist and move on.  I have done that with moving, having a child diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum, hearing loss, and jobs.  Life takes twists and turns you never expect.  Yell Plot Twist or you will dwell in these turns that you will never see the beautiful clearings that you are about to come to: Living in the beautiful prairie, having a son that has taught me to look at the world a little different, meeting friends and learning so much in this past year, being back at the school that is familiar and I am needed.

Life just isn’t a straight line it is like a river that meanders and the slow curves that the water has carved in the banks.

meandering-river