Tag: hard of hearing

A Good Cry

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Do you ever have a day when the world seems so very heavy and you don’t know if your shoulders can bare the weight of all of it anymore.  I am not typically a person that freaks out, or cries or wallows in pities of life.  I know of people that beat themselves up almost daily for decisions they have made and how they carry out their daily lives.  I have faults and have many mistakes but I try to move on.  

Yesterday I don’t know what happened.  I stepped away from the craziness of two kids playing the Hunger Games and just spent sometime by myself in my room.  I played some music and all of a sudden I felt a feeling come over me that made the tears flow.  I always try to be the person that holds it all together.  To be the person that finds the bright side to every dark situation.  I may not always believe in the bright side but I need to bring that out for the others involved.  Yesterday life just hit me and I cried.  I cried and cried and it felt good.  It was a release of all these pent up emotions.  There was nothing horrible I was harboring, but it is just the stresses and reality of everyday life.  There were issues in my childrens lives that I thought of, there were issues in my husbands life that came to front, there were issues in my own life that all seemed to hit me.  

It is odd how little things can do this to you.  How seeing something, or listening to something can bring up such emotions.  It was just a cummultive effect for me.  I received some information in the mail, information that was very useful to me but seeing it just brought reality to life.  Then hearing the lyrics of a song it allowed the floodgates to be opened.  I remember being a little girl and something would happen and I wouldn’t cry.  I wanted to be the strong one, the one that stood fast and had the brave face.  I can remember my dad coming into my room and explaining to me that crying frees the soul.  That a good cry is actually good for you and can get rid of toxins and other things that you are keeping in.  That usually did it then the tears would come.  

I believe in prayer.  I believe in Gods love for us and that we can always go to him in our time of need but also remember to go to him in our good times also.  I try to pray and be a good pray warrior.  I pray for others around me and I pray for my family and myself.  I believe that like this quote says above that the things that are going on in my life and in my families lives are being done for a greater purpose.  Things happen for a reason, these things we can learn from, we can grow from and we can change ourselves and others around us with the knowledge we have gained.  God has a purpose for us.  He is shaping us into the person we are to become.  It may be putting a burden on our heart for service, or a group of people that need a voice.  I pray I see this purpose and I may be put to work for the greater good of others.  

I had my good cry and from that I will work and pray to see what the greater purpose is and where I am needed.  

 

Passing on a great giveaway opportunity

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There is a book I have on my list I would like to read and it is this book.  When I saw the author was having a giveaway I thought I had to get in on this.  There is nothing I like better than winning a giveaway.  So here is the link and all the info but if one of my friends win this book you need to promise to let me read it.  Ok you don’t have to share but it would be nice.  Have a great day to all you!!!

Book Giveaway: Celebrate the One-Year Anniversary of My Memoir.

ADVOCATE

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advocate

noun |ˈadvəkit|

a person who publicly supports or recommends a particular cause or policy : he was an untiring advocate of economic reform.

• a person who pleads on someone else’s behalf : care managers can become advocates for their clients.

• a pleader in a court of law; a lawyer : Marshall was a skilled advocate but a mediocre judge.

verb |-ˌkāt| [ trans. ]

publicly recommend or support :

Advocate it is a word that I hear a lot and have my whole life. We should be an advocate for others and advocates for the weak, advocates for our animals. It is a word that can bring people together and can cause tempers to flare and tear people apart.

When in high school and college I was a member of the Sierra Club and PETA. I was an advocate for nature and to animals. As I grew older my heart didn’t turn my back on those items but my life changed directions. I became an advocate for my family and for my children. Just to have the best shot in life in general. I became an advocate for kids with Sensory Processing Disorder and Autism.

When my son was little he was very sick. We had him to the doctor and ER all the time. He would spike 105 degree fevers at least once to twice a month. I tried with our local doctors to do something and finally an ER doctor said to us, you need to be an ADVOCATE for your son. You need to push to get him the help he needs so this can stop. I stepped up to the plate and pushed every button and put my foot into every door I could to get him the health care he needed. I was his advocate and still am. I am the one that goes to the school, meets with the doctors and therapist. I am the one sitting in his IEP meetings I am his ADVOCATE and his mother.

My question comes to why is it hard to be an ADVOCATE for yourself. There are times in everyones life when something could be done to make something a little easier. In my experiences of life asking for yourself is hard. It is hard to step up and say I need this or could this be done for me. I have run into some of those roadblocks recently and my husband just says, “Stand up for yourself and say what you need.” That statement is so much easier said than done, at least for me. This needs to be my resolution for my life. As much as I am an advocate for my family and what needs they may have I need to turn the mirror around and ADVOCATE for myself also. I need to let my wall down and when I do need extra clarification or something written down I will ask for that not smile and pretend I heard what was said. I will not be ashamed to say “I am hard of hearing can you please repeat that or rephrase that” I will ask for what is right and fair. It sure won’t be easy for me to do but I will try.

If no one is going to do it for you, you need to do it for ourselves. We all are human and we all deserve to have the best life can offer. A person has to have a purpose. We need to be an advocate for someone or something. Pick a cause something that is near and dear to your heart. Be an ADVOCATE.

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A day to forget

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Yesterday is a day I would really like to forget.  It started like any ordinary day but by 8am it was drastically different.  I dropped the kids off at school got all of 3 blocks or so and I came up to an intersection in town.  It is an ordinary intersection no stop signs, no yield signs you just need to be watching and aware.  I was approaching the intersection when I saw another vehicle just starting to go through.  I applied the brakes like I always would but I wasn’t slowing down.  I was on pure ice I then slammed the brake nope it wasn’t going to help.  I ended up crashing into the back wheel and door of this poor lady in her vehicle.  I then spun and landed in a waist high snow bank.

I ended up hitting my head pretty bad on what I am not sure.  I don’t know if it was the steering wheel, the windshield or the visor which was down at this point.  This was the first accident of any kind I have ever been in and I was terrified and my head was swelling.  Luckily the individual following me was on the ambulance crew and he called it in right away and was able to tend to both drivers.  I was only met with kindness and concern by the town police officer, the county sheriff and the ambulance crew.  I had to go to the ambulance to get checked out that was another new experience.  I was scared in the ambulance because I had a hard time hearing anything they were saying to me.  Yes I am hard of hearing but this was different it was very muffled much more than normal.  When I told them they thought because of the blow to my head and my blood pressure was very high.  There was so many things running through my head.  How is the car, will they get a hold of my husband, what is wrong with my head, will my hearing come back at least to the level it was at?

I ended up going to the hospital where again everyone was so nice.  Once my blood pressure started to go down and I felt more calm my hearing ended up going back to the level I was used to.  My husband made it, my car was towed my questions were being answered.  Luckily no concussion but a good goose egg and it is day 2 now and it is SO tender to the touch.

The outpouring of love and concern has humbled me.  From calls from my mom and mother in law, texts from friends, and messages on social media.  I sure felt and feel loved.  A friend was over within an hour to check on me and she checked on me last night also.  A friend brought us lunch today just so nice.  A call came from New York and Illinois when friends there had heard. Thank you to everyone.

I still am worried about my wonderful vehicle.  I don’t know what will happen with it till next week.  It is a day I hope to forget but I am afraid I won’t

A warm memory

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This cold weather makes me want to think warm thoughts.  My brain has been taking trips in the way way back machine lately.  Twenty one short years ago this month I took a trip of a life time.  It was a trip I could only imagine and a trip that I never want to leave my mind.  I was a shy 10th grader that had a real problem talking to anyone and here I take a two week trip to Jamaica with a bunch of strangers besides my dad.  This was a two week trip that opened my eyes to the beauty of the earth, love of God, and kindness of strangers.  

January 2nd we flew from cold Minnesota to Jamaica.  It was gorgeous, I couldn’t get over the color of the ocean.  It was the most mesmerizing blues and aquas.  I got to experience this close up a couple times with swimming and a glass bottom boat ride.  We were picked up by our driver for the time we were there.  He simply went by Johnny Walker and became a dear friend.  We traveled to Brownstown Jamaica which was a small town about in the middle of the island. Think mountains, hills and lush greenery every where you looked.  We stayed at a school where we would be helping build housing for future teachers of the school.  

Oh there is so much I could tell you about the kids, which were adorable, to the food and the poverty we saw.  It all affected me greatly and made me the person I am today.  Seeing these kids who are living in tin shacks come to school in the cleanest most pressed clothes made a big impression on me.  There are kids now that have everything given to them and they come to school looking like they just rolled out of bed.  The pride to be able to attend a school just isn’t there.  It is a privilege we take for granted there they did not.  The children have to pay for their books, uniforms, and lunch.  There is no free education there.  We got to help build this building, but what touched me more were attending some of the classes and morning devotions of this school.  They would pray and sing praises to God each morning before school.  The respect they had for the teachers and staff was unbelievable just something I don’t see enough working at the school.  

Like I said before there is so much I could say but there are two short stories I would like to share about this time of my life.  First is fun.  I was a very shy child and adult.  I didn’t assert myself much and if my friends said they did or didn’t want to do something that is what I did.  Well I missed out a lot in school because of that.  In Jamaica an amazing young man who was studying to be a doctor invited me to go out with him one night in town.  My dad said yes and I wanted to go.  We went to the local roller rink.  How fun skating in an open air rink with Marley vibrating through the air.  The reggae music got in my blood that trip.  It just slows your body down and you can enjoy each note as the music swirls in the air and surrounds you.  There were some funny songs also like Whitney Huston put to reggae, just didn’t sound right to me.  It was a night with a new friend and a time to let go of some of that inhibition and just be and have fun.  I could smile, not care about what others were thinking it was a night to truly remember.  

My other story was one that was rather scary to me.  We slept all in one large room and my dad gave me silicone earplugs to wear for the snoring.  I could never stand that sound still can’t.  Well a stupid little thing like an earplug really messed me up.  It ended up getting pushed in and lodged next to my eardrum.  I tried and tried to get that sucker out but it just wouldn’t budge.  My dad tried a tweezer but it just broke apart but the main part was staying in.  I went to the local doctor they tried no success, then to the missionary doctor from England.  She tried flushing it out nope it was there to stay.  Now everyone was worried about traveling and air pressure not sure what to do.  Well we come back to Johnny Walker our driver.  He offered to drive me to a hospital some distance away to try and see if they could get this out.  I was scared.  My dad was scared of how much was a hospital going to charge an American.  We got to the hospital and this is a scene I will never get out of my head.  The waiting room was outside on the grass and the sign above the door said Operating Theatre.  There was a young girl waiting that had an obvious broken arm she had to be in such pain.  They took me in first because I was an American.  That still guilts me to this day.  I had a doctor that was from another country don’t remember where.  He ended up cutting my ear canal and getting in under the ear plug and pushing it out from behind the plug.  He had to cut my ear canal and ear drum in the process but he did it.  That is the ear with the most scarring and damage today.  When my dad asked how much he just responded please pray for our hospital and that is all.  I still do, I pray for that operating theatre all the time.  I pray for that little girl who is now about 30 years old now that she is ok.  The smell and look of that hospital is in my brain forever.  It was a large ward with beds down each wall with green peeling paint.  It is somewhere I would never want to go back to.  

That trip 21 years ago it changed me.  It made me see that I had a little more self worth then I ever thought.  It made me appreciate how much I had even though to US standards we didn’t have a lot.  It mostly strengthened my love in Christ and to see what people he put in our path and how we went there to help this town and what they did was help me.  

Brownstown Jamaica forever is dear in my heart and it is as fresh in my mind as it was 21 years ago.  Sometimes you have to use that way way back machine in your brain to find a warm memory.  

The Day of my Son

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So today was the day of my son from morning till night.  The day started out today with an IEP meeting for my son.  I am so happy with the progress Henry has made this year so far.  We still have some issues but most of the conversation today was the positives.  So we need to work on writing and reading so basically letters.  He is wonderful at numbers and the testing really showed that strength.  When Henry was very young he told me numbers lived in his tummy.  I think those numbers are coming out.  He loves math, patterns, and counting everything.  The big needs are his sensory needs.  I was told by each person that tested my son that his shirt, hand, or a chewy was in his mouth at all times.  I was also told he was constant movement.  Well that was no shock to me I live with him.  Another concern brought up was his hearing.  He has tested the past couple years at borderline hearing loss.  We had a deaf/Hard of Hearing teacher at the meeting so she explained what he heard and how.  She also explained how this hindered learning even having borderline hearing loss.  So the question I was dreading came out.  Is there any family history of hearing loss with Henry.  Well I had to let my secret out.  I don’t know why I didn’t want to say it but I had to say YES I have hearing loss at a moderate loss.  I know what it is like to not be able to hear a conversation or concentrate so hard on someone talking it is physically and mentally exhausting. So everyone together is going to really watch him and make sure he can get the best out of his education.  It was a good meeting and I think it will all be good.

Tonight was Henry’s orange belt test for TaeKwonDo.  He didn’t pass tonight but did great.  He sat at attention so well!! He even broke his first board.  He did great and only needs to pass one item on Wednesday.  I was very proud of all the kids there tonight.

It has been a day of being proud of my little man.  I am sure there will be many more of these days-today was a good one.  2013-12-16 18.52.53