Tag: jobs

Life is Busy and Hard

end-of-a-chapter

Last night was the end of a chapter in my life.  In July of last year I was hired to work at a radio station.  I really enjoyed the job, in fact I enjoyed each part of my job except the logistics.  I worked overnights, on weekends, in a town that is a 40 minute away, and the pay wasn’t the greatest.  I pushed through and went to work but I felt myself falling and I could feel my emotional being crumbling.

I am working at the school still as a substitute teacher.  I also am back working as a PCA (personal care attendant).  This takes 5 days a week and then the radio station was Friday-Sunday so no days off.  Being married, 2 active children this was just a recipe for disaster.  I put my chin up and did it for almost the whole school year but I just couldn’t do it anymore.  I was in tears just thinking of being up all night and doing weekends with zero sleep.  Last night was my last shift at the radio.

It is a bittersweet feeling.  It is one of relief that I can sleep, I can be with my family on the weekends.  I can attend scouting and 4H events again that are always on weekends.  It is a deep feeling of peace for my family.  In the same breath it is one of failure.  I have never quit a job unless it was for moving or changing life directions like going to college or graduating from college.  I have never been one that just quit a job because it wasn’t fun anymore.  Lord knows I have had a few of those but I stuck with it.  Even telemarketing in college.  I hated it with every bone in my body but it was a short term job and I knew once I started I finished.  I don’t quit.  I think that is the strong German blood that flows through my veins.  It is one for dedication and hard work.  So I learned in this process of quitting that I had to weigh the two. Do I do my duty and stay with a job? Do I look at my mental well being and my families togetherness?  As my wise momma told me, “You will never get this time back with your kids.  If you feel like your absent now it will only grow more and more and you can’t do anything about it.”  I choose to do something and gave my notice a month ago.

Will I miss the radio, you betcha.  I really enjoyed my co-workers and having people comment, “I heard you on the radio last night.”  I will continue to listen to the stations I worked on and have great pride I was once part of that.  For me now, I will welcome sleep at night and enjoy our time together.

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Plot Twist

plot twist

I like order, and I like things planned out whether it is on paper or in my head.  This summer was spent trying to figure out this next year of my life.  What would I do for a job, I longed for a change.  To make a difference in someones life not a sub that floats in and out each day different.  I tried for other jobs and nothing seemed to work out.  I finally took a job and I was excited for it.  The job ended last week after I quit.  I was not disclosed some pretty important information and for that reason I quit.  I felt upset, scared and betrayed.  I had this year planned out in my head and now it is all gone.  I took the week and thought pretty long and hard of what happened and I believe I can just say PLOT TWIST and move on.  Life didn’t go how it was all planned out in my head.  God is the only one that can know our future and he knew this turn was going to take place.

I went back to subbing last week and spent two days at the school.  It felt great catching up with the kids and hearing what they had done for their summer vacations.  It was nice to see staff and say our hello’s.  It wasn’t how I was expecting to spend those days but it was familiar and comfortable.  I still don’t want to be a sub forever.  I need more of a purpose a beginning and end of what I am doing to know that I made a difference on someones life.

Chad, my husband, said to me this weekend “Sara you are pushing 40 it is about time to figure out what you want to do with your life.”  That is so true.  I went to school, then graduated college, obtained a full time job.  Never something I loved but it was an income my desires were to be a wife and a mother.  I was successful on that front and that is what matters most in my life.  I feel this pull now, I am in my research phase now of different career choices.  I get a little nuts when I find a topic I enjoy.  I will stay up till the wee hours of the morning, reading, and making notes.  I am starting to put some feelers out will be doing some work on some different ideas in the next couple weeks.  Maybe it is not in the stars for this path to open up but we will just have to see what happens in my life.

Remember when something happens that you weren’t expecting just yell Plot Twist and move on.  I have done that with moving, having a child diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum, hearing loss, and jobs.  Life takes twists and turns you never expect.  Yell Plot Twist or you will dwell in these turns that you will never see the beautiful clearings that you are about to come to: Living in the beautiful prairie, having a son that has taught me to look at the world a little different, meeting friends and learning so much in this past year, being back at the school that is familiar and I am needed.

Life just isn’t a straight line it is like a river that meanders and the slow curves that the water has carved in the banks.

meandering-river

Feeling Blessed

The past couple week for me have been ones of thinking, planning and reflecting.  I feel a strong tug to do something different in my life.  If that is a different job, different volunteer opportunities and different experiences.  It has to be little baby steps and living in a rural area nothing is close, I don’t have a plethora of opportunities.  So I made up my resume.  I think it has been almost 15 years since I have done a resume.  It has been a good learning experience.  I have applied for a few jobs and I have been turned down for a few jobs.

Last week I applied for a very unique experience.  I have had a 45 minute phone interview (thank you for an amplified phone).  If I would get this job I would be a literacy tutor for grades K-3 in our local school.  What an awesome opportunity.  To be a constant in a childs life and get them to that magical goal of reading.  I hope I can be that person in a little persons life.  I hope to hear this week if I will be going on to the next interview.

Another part of the dreaming comes with this tutor job.  At the end of my year I would receive an education gift.  It is a rather good amount of money to further my education.  Wow does the dreaming begin.  What would I do?  What would I study?  I don’t know I have ideas swirling in my head faster than snowflakes in a blizzard.  I am thinking deaf and hard of hearing something with that.  Maybe teacher for deaf and hard of hearing or a vocational or rehabilitation counselor.  Just don’t know too many decisions.

Then today to start of the week with a blessing and a half.  I subbed in Ag again today.  I have to say it was much better today than the last time.  Not one scissor got thrown across the room.  I shouldn’t even have to say that.  So back to the issue at hand…got home to a letter in the mailbox.  I was gifted a hearing aid from the Sertoma club.  I was beyond speechless and tears were flowing.  I will be balanced (haha-one in both ears).  This is a gift I can never repay and I am so humbled.  I go to my audiologist on Thursday morning.

We just had our wedding anniversary and I just feel this will be a year of changes and I pray these changes will be good ones for our family.