Category: hearing loss

Plot Twist

plot twist

I like order, and I like things planned out whether it is on paper or in my head.  This summer was spent trying to figure out this next year of my life.  What would I do for a job, I longed for a change.  To make a difference in someones life not a sub that floats in and out each day different.  I tried for other jobs and nothing seemed to work out.  I finally took a job and I was excited for it.  The job ended last week after I quit.  I was not disclosed some pretty important information and for that reason I quit.  I felt upset, scared and betrayed.  I had this year planned out in my head and now it is all gone.  I took the week and thought pretty long and hard of what happened and I believe I can just say PLOT TWIST and move on.  Life didn’t go how it was all planned out in my head.  God is the only one that can know our future and he knew this turn was going to take place.

I went back to subbing last week and spent two days at the school.  It felt great catching up with the kids and hearing what they had done for their summer vacations.  It was nice to see staff and say our hello’s.  It wasn’t how I was expecting to spend those days but it was familiar and comfortable.  I still don’t want to be a sub forever.  I need more of a purpose a beginning and end of what I am doing to know that I made a difference on someones life.

Chad, my husband, said to me this weekend “Sara you are pushing 40 it is about time to figure out what you want to do with your life.”  That is so true.  I went to school, then graduated college, obtained a full time job.  Never something I loved but it was an income my desires were to be a wife and a mother.  I was successful on that front and that is what matters most in my life.  I feel this pull now, I am in my research phase now of different career choices.  I get a little nuts when I find a topic I enjoy.  I will stay up till the wee hours of the morning, reading, and making notes.  I am starting to put some feelers out will be doing some work on some different ideas in the next couple weeks.  Maybe it is not in the stars for this path to open up but we will just have to see what happens in my life.

Remember when something happens that you weren’t expecting just yell Plot Twist and move on.  I have done that with moving, having a child diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum, hearing loss, and jobs.  Life takes twists and turns you never expect.  Yell Plot Twist or you will dwell in these turns that you will never see the beautiful clearings that you are about to come to: Living in the beautiful prairie, having a son that has taught me to look at the world a little different, meeting friends and learning so much in this past year, being back at the school that is familiar and I am needed.

Life just isn’t a straight line it is like a river that meanders and the slow curves that the water has carved in the banks.

meandering-river

Does Blinging mean Acceptance

Bling: (Bling or bling-bling) is a slang term popularized in hip hop culture, referring to flashy, ostentatious or elaborate jewelry and ornamented accessories

2014-08-19 03.24.10 We are getting close to the year point that my hearing started dropping and hearing aids were purchased and worn. I grew up in a family that has a history of hearing loss this isn’t a new thing for me. I can remember sitting in the audiologist office in 7th grade and being told I should quit the swim team for fear of further damage on my ears. I can remember running from the doctor’s office crying and not wanting to talk about this information. Small tidbits of the given information from that doctor appointment never fully left my head but was pushed to the back recesses of my brain.

In college I majored in communicative disorders and took a lot of audiology classes. That tidbit would creep up to the surface every once in a while and I would think would this be me someday? Will I be getting fitted for hearing aids in my lifetime? Will I be honest about my hearing loss or try to hide it? Anxiety would creep in when us students would have to give each other a hearing exam. I know I wasn’t hearing the beeps. I never was in the normal zone. Many questions and then college came and went and it would get shoved to the back of my brain once again.

Little things would trigger this thought, walking behind someone and noticing hearing aids I would wonder will people notice me if I am wearing them? I knew my hearing wasn’t great. I had never heard my kids whisper to me or talk from another room everything I was used to from a young age. I don’t ever remember hearing a whisper to tell the truth.

So nearing a year of my hearing aids. When I picked up my first hearing aid I cried. I didn’t think it was going to be that hard. I had people who were sympathetic and then I had people who said I should move to the nursing home, do I get a senior discount now. I was ashamed and I didn’t want ANYONE to know. I wore my hair down and I didn’t want to let anyone in on this secret except family and a few friends and to be honest I had a very hard time with them also.

I researched and I gained friends that were also in the same “boat” as I was. I started to breathe again and was able to see this not as an end of the road but just a different road. I started writing and being a little more vocal about what was going on in my life. This past summer I received a gift of hearing aids that are much more powerful than the one I purchased and they seem to serve me well.

I come back to the definition of BLING. I have these great Starkey hearing aids and they are in a dark brown aka espresso color. I don’t mind them but they needed something more, some pizzazz. I sat down at the table a week ago with some paints and thought I would design them. That just seemed so permanent to me. So I went to my addiction of Pinterest and searched blinging hearing aids. I got the idea of using nail foils on the hearing aids. I bought a pack for $2 and I have enough to bling out the aids probably 4 times. I tried my first time with a butterfly design. I also bought a pack that looks a little like tie-dye. I like the fact that I can take it right off with no residue and start over with a new design. I love the look of them, I love that I am wearing something a little fun just like the bright blue glasses I picked out a couple years ago. In a year I went from scared and hiding to pulling my hair up and showing off butterfly hearing aids. What I loved the most is when I showed my husband he looked at them and said, “Hey those are really cute, great job”. My daughter gushed over them and can’t wait to help me redesign the next time. Am a complete open book, not even close. A few pages maybe have been exposed to some people for now. But for now I will wear my hair anyway I please, not care if people notice hearing aids or ear molds. I will design them and wear them and show them off.  I also have a remote and streaming device that just looks so plain and a solid color. Maybe that needs a little blinging out also.

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So maybe blinging means some acceptance. Showing something off instead of hiding it. Blinging lets the world see that you are in acceptance and even inviting a question or comment. If someone wants to ask me about them, that is just fine.

just be yourself

 

My COOL KID

My daughter, Greta, I have bragged up in the past.  She is an amazing girl and I love her with all my heart.  Does she have tween attitude and eyes that roll…you bet, but she is a wonderful daughter and so proud of her.  This past county fair Greta won two grand champion ribbons for a couple projects that deal with hearing loss.  She was interviewed this past week and this is article that was written.  I am so proud of this COOL KID.  

Meet the Cool Kids

Education Takes Grand Prize: Greta Lundquist

By Rachel Janis, staff writer

Eleven-year-old Greta Lundquist stands before two large trifold poster boards, fashioning a welcoming smile as onlookers peruse the Swift County Fair in Minnesota. Her poster boards—one entitled “Being Hard of Hearing,” and the other, “My Visit with Tani Austen, Starkey Hearing Foundation”—capture curious eyes, and Greta confidently answers questions and explains why she is there.

The soon-to-be sixth grader actually has normal hearing, but because her mom was scheduled to be fitted for hearing aids at the Starkey Hearing Foundation’s office, Greta accompanied her and received the opportunity of a lifetime.

And as she proudly showcases her two poster boards at the fair, she can’t help but to think about that special day—sitting one-on-one Tani Austen, co-founder of Starkey Hearing Foundation, for an interview.

Greta’s mom has moderate to severe hearing loss, while her six-year-old brother has mild hearing loss. While interviewing Tani Austen, Greta heard a very familiar story. It happened that Tani, too, became aware and interested in hearing loss at a young age, when Tani’s mom first received hearing aids. Tani, along with William F. Austen and a group of dedicated workers, eventually went on to fit more than 100,000 hearing aids to people in need each year through the Starkey Hearing Foundation. The Starkey team helps people all over the globe, such as in Kenya, Honduras, and Israel. And that day, Greta got to interview Tani and learn all about the projects and missions the foundation has completed. One thing Greta learned was that “anyone can work on a hearing mission,” whether you’re hard of hearing, deaf, or hearing.

Greta took this to heart and decided that she wanted to educate the Swift County fair-goers about the deaf and hard of hearing community—not only to honor her mother and brother, but to bring awareness to the general hearing population. “It is not just people in nursing homes who are hard of hearing,” Greta reminds us.

Greta’s informational poster boards won her two blue ribbons and two Grand Champion ribbons at the fair.

It felt great teaching her audience a little bit about what it’s like to live with someone who’s hard of hearing. She has to make sure she’s facing her mom when talking to her, and if they’re in a noisy shopping mall or a busy café, Greta just has to wait until they get to a quieter spot. Their home is also a little bit different than the average household, fit with a few more pieces of technology, like a captioned phone and TV, assisted listening devices, and a plentiful amount of hearing aid batteries just in case.

“Try wearing earplugs for a day and you might get a little bit of an understanding of how hard it is,” Greta advises. “It is frustrating [for me] at times, but… just because my mom may say, ‘Not now,’ or, ‘I can’t hear you right now,’ doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to talk to me. We just need to find a better place.”

Hearing loss doesn’t hold this family back. It may be seen as a struggle or a conflict sometimes, but hearing loss is something that can easily be managed and even embraced. Greta hopes to participate in a hearing mission someday alongside Tani Austen and the Starkey Hearing Foundation. As she clutches her Grand Champion ribbons with pride, she knows that she can make a difference, giving a voice to those who aren’t able to hear.

A Job

Never Give Up

Today I have a feeling in my soul that hasn’t been there for a long time, contentment.  I have struggled with a hole in my soul that I wanted to fill with work.  I want to work and help support our family.  

I have worked since I was a little girl.  I had a daily paper route that was a 5 day a week afternoon paper.  That was my first work experience and it taught me hard work, determination and discipline.  I babysat a ton then moved to waitressing all through high school.  In college I always took a full class load but always worked at least 30 hours a week also.  Work was important to me, it always has been.  

When I moved from the Twin Cities to the small town in Rural Minnesota I left my full time job of 10 years.  This was hard but also a good time to reconnect to my husband, my small daughter and we then had our son.  I have done little jobs here in town.  I worked at a local floral shop, a cashier at the grocery store and my main job as a substitute teacher.  Both kids are in school all day I need more, my soul needed more, my family could use more.  I have tried so hard this past year to find another job.  A job that I could count on hours and also feel I can make some sort of difference not just keep the peace in a classroom for a day.  I interviewed for a few jobs in town…NO.  I applied and interviewed for so many jobs at school….NO.  I needed to change the direction I was going.  What to do, I know I have certain limitations with my hearing.  Answering phones all day would not be a good fit for me.  Numerous people talking all around me also not a good fit.  

This weekend is my first hours working as a PCA, personal care attendant.  I am excited, happy and at peace.  I am earning money, I am helping a fellow human being, my needs are being met by being a productive citizen.  I believe this will be a good fit.  I know where I will be working and when I will be working.  I love the stability, I love knowing a paycheck will be coming.  I won’t be rich but my soul is feeling alive.  

How to ask

caution hearing loss

When to ask, how to ask, and who to ask.  These are all question that flood through my mind when I realize I am not getting what I need at an event or in a situation.  I will be an advocate for my children, and for a cause until the end of time but how do you become an advocate for yourself?  I had made a New Years Resolution that I was going to stand up for myself and make sure I can get what I need.  This post is my public display that I am not holding up my end of the bargain.  

I will tell people I am hard of hearing.  People may ask how much loss do you have, I will tell them I have a moderate severe loss and what that means.  I am open with that information but I don’t say what would make this conversation easier on me.  I have discovered that is incredibly hard in my book.  People hear the words hard of hearing they see hearing aids and they assume all is fixed and you can hear just fine.  WRONG so wrong, I need you to face me, I can’t have a noisy fan or other noise around.  I am not proficient in speech reading or in sign so I have to rely on the residual hearing I have.  

I have had a few instances that have come up recently that I should have spoken up to enjoy the experience to it’s fullest.  I didn’t speak up and ask anything and for that the fault all lies on me and my pride, or fear, or whatever is festering with this issue.  

Last night my daughter and I attended a movie at a little country church that is used for an outreach ministry in our area.  I attend a Bible Study at this church and it is a place of incredible peace for myself.  My daughter and I got to the church and got our popcorn and drink and settled in to watch the movie, Heaven is for Real.  Watching a movie in a candlelit century old church was magical.  It was a beautiful thing watching the movie on a sheet being held by clothespins strung across the front of the church.  What would have made the night better is if I could have heard the dialog.  I maybe heard 10% of the movie.  When I watch tv at home I either use closed captions or I stream the movie through an assistive listening device that goes right to my hearing aids, I love this option, I usually use both.  

surflink media

Did I ask for captions…NO.  Did I come early and ask to hook up the assistive listening device to the movie which would have taken two minutes…NO.  Why, I guess I just don’t want to draw attention to this issue.  I did bring my portable streamer unit.  I tried it but it mainly picked up the fans and I just got an amplified Charlie Brown teachers voice effect for the dialog of the movie.  I had a great time last night seeing friends and neighbors but I just had this kick in the butt feeling why didn’t you say something or stand up for yourself.  

I need help in this area.  I need a shot of confidence that I deserve to understand what is going on the same as everyone else in the vicinity of me.  I came home last night and my husband said to me, “Bet you couldn’t hear the movie tonight.”  No I couldn’t, he keeps telling me nobody cares if you ask, there may be three other people there that missed this line or that and maybe wouldn’t have minded captions.  

I need to learn how to do this at events like this or even a movie theatre.  It is just easier to watch a movie at home and not have to ask.  This is a huge learning curve I have found.  I don’t like to ask for something normally so this is just way out there for me.  I need to shove back my shoulders, hold my head high and get the idea drilled in my head that I deserve it.  

This I guess would be my New Years Resolution part 2 of just ask, stand up for yourself, you are worth it.  

stand up darling

Another Year Older

This weekend was my birthday.  It seems like every year it is just a day that is glossed over.  I get a call from my parents and wish me a happy birthday, we meet for a lunch usually in the month of my birthday but that is about it.  I moved across the state on my 30th birthday.  We have held a garage sale on the day, or I work the 4H food stand for our town festival.  It is all ok but I have to admit I miss celebrating my day.  Does that make me sound conceited?  I hold parties for my kids and husband I just want a day for me.  

About a month ago I won a pair of tickets to watch the MN Twins baseball team.  I was excited, really excited, a weekend of celebration is what this was turning into.  The tickets were for what day, MY BIRTHDAY.  I would miss our towns festival but everyone seemed ok with this fact so the stars were aligning, we were going to the cities and momma would be celebrating her birthday.  

cousinsSaturday we had a birthday party at my mom’s house.  We had a wonderful lunch with my sister’s family, my parents, and my grandma.  It was fun to see everyone and just catch up.  The kids had a blast playing together.  They don’t see their cousins very often so they play hard.  

me and birthday flowers

 

 

Greta went to the Farmers market with her aunt and cousins and brought home these beautiful flowers for her momma.  They were just beautiful and smelled so good.  I hope my mom can enjoy them for a while since I had to leave them at her house.  

After a fabulous party we left for the game.  Traveled to Minneapolis and got to Target Field in plenty of time to sightsee, people watch and take it all in.  We had such a great night.  The Twins didn’t win but we had a wonderful night away.  

chad at the game

target field

 

It is always interesting to see what they have at the game from food to promotions to closed captioning.  Chad, my husband, actually figured this out.  I was telling him I couldn’t hear anything in that stadium from the announcer to him sitting right next to me.  He tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to a small screen and said, “closed captioning is over there, you can understand the announcer”.  Sure enough it was a small screen so thank god I wore my contacts but it was there!!  It is amazing what you find when you look for it.  

closed captioning at the game

 

can you spy it?? First tier on the right

Wonderful weekend all around.  I got to see my family, spend time with my husband and celebrate what the 19th is to me, my birthday.  We took the long way home through Minneapolis on Sunday and showed the kids St Paul, Ford Parkway, Lake Street and Lake Calhoun.  It was an eye opening ride for them.  They are so used to small town it is fun to get back to the city.  I think their high point was visiting Choo Choo Bob’s in St Paul.  A toy store how fun!!!

choo choo bobs pictureI am another year older and I am excited for it.  I have changes coming up in my life and I am eager for the new challenges. I am glad I got to take this weekend to celebrate life, family and love.  

 

Waiting to Wake Up from a Dream

hearstrong me greta and allison

On June 10, 2014 I was invited to attend a ceremony at Starkey World Headquarters in Eden Prairie, MN.  I traveled the near 3 hours to the headquarters,  I was full of nerves, and excitement since I had no idea what I was to expect.  I was presented a HearStrong Award.  It was a wonderful honor and experience.  I hope I can get into words what I experienced and what transpired on that wonderful day.

HearStrong is the nonprofit that is held by the  company EarQ.  It honors individuals that have overcome hearing loss and decide to do something about it.  The way they heard about me is they happened upon one of my blog posts on the SWC Blog.  I was given a gold medal and a framed certificate from two great gentlemen from EarQ and from Tani Austin from the Starkey Hearing Foundation.  I was accompanied by my good friend Allison and my daughter Greta.  It was an honor I will take seriously and keep advocating all I can.  HearStrong asks you to take the challenge to be a Champion and bring attention to hearing loss and help make this stigma the that hearing loss affects all not just a certain generation.  I do take this challenge and I hope to be kept accountable that I will continue to do so.

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After a wonderful ceremony and pictures we were handed over to Starkey.  I had no idea what the rest of our time there would be but I was told it would be worth it.  We were told to drive to another building (huge complex) and they would take care of us.  Well what I didn’t know and was a surprise is I was given a hearing test and given a new set of hearing aids and lots of fun gadgets to go with them.  I was in shock, in no way was I expecting anything at all.  It started out with a video of the inside of my ears.  The neat part of this whole process was that my daughter and friend were with me and asking question and taking pictures of all of it.  Greta wants to do a project on hearing loss and hearing aids for the county fair this year.  I think she got lots of first hand info on Tuesday.  I was then given a hearing test by a Starkey Audiologist.  We were then treated to lunch.  Anything we wanted at no cost to us.  Another high point for my daughter, you can tell she is 11.  Impressions and molds were made next again pictures and my daughter and friend were right there.  They got to watch the whole process and ask any questions they wanted.  In fact my daughter got to come home with a few ear molds that were made.  They are now prized possessions.  Now the waiting game started.  We waited a few hours while custom made hearing aids for me.  I was given XENO RIC with a custom earmold around the receiver.  Much more powerful than my last pair.  During the waiting period my daughter was able to have a private meeting with Tani Austin about the hearing missions the Starkey Hearing Foundation have done all over the world.  Greta is inspired and would love to go on a mission with them someday.  Who knows anything is possible.

Finally at 6pm my hearing aids were done.  I was also given two additional items, one is the SurfLink Media which plugs into my TV and I can listen to the TV wirelessly directly into my hearing aids.  Very cool item and having fun trying it out.  I can even have the TV on mute and I can listen to it at a good level for me and not disrupt anyone else in the house.  My other gadget is the SurfLink mobile.  This is a remote I can use for my hearing aids I can change programs and change the volume.  I can use it as a bluetooth for my phone so again the sound is wirelessly sent to the hearing aids and I don’t need to use the actual cell phone.  The one feature that I think is the most fun is I can stream my iPod and listen to all my music through my hearing aids instead of taking them out and using earbuds and complaining the volume doesn’t go high enough.

2014-06-12 01.14.14

 

 

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It was a day I will never forget.  I am still waiting to wake up from an incredible dream.  I thank my friend, Allison, for taking 14 1/2 hours away from her family to be there with me to experience this once in a lifetime day.  I thank my daughter, Greta, for being so grown up and asking questions and being engaged.  Her project for the fair should be blue ribbon all the way.  Most of all thank you all for reading my writing and keeping me accountable.

 

Sounds I hear, Sounds I miss, and Sounds I am glad that are gone

When you are hard of hearing many may think you would cherish any sounds you can hear.  I will say for me there are sounds I miss, sounds I am glad are gone, and sounds I hate to hear.  I know there are lists out there that others have written of what sounds they miss or can hear or don’t hear and this is my list and my observations.

Sounds I don’t miss.  You might think any loss of sound would be a sad thing…nope.  A huge one for me is my husbands snoring.  I hate snoring and it can cause me to lose my mind.  Since my hearing had dropped this year the minor snoring as I will call it is gone.  So nice and has helped our marriage.  Now when my husband starts his louder than a freight train snoring that is still there and that will drive me to a padded cell but at least the more minor stuff is gone.  Yes I am so glad that sound is gone.

Sounds I miss.  These are not interesting sounds but they are sounds you take for granted.  I don’t hear the microwave beep unless I am standing right next to it.  That is the joke in our household.  I will say to my family, “Let me know when the microwave beeps” and my daughter or husband will respond, “It just did.”  This always seems to get a laugh since it always seems to be at the same time.  Now if my family would just step up and tend to the food that would solve the problem also.

Have you ever noticed how often you take cooking and kitchen noises for granted.  I have started to fill the sink with water to clean dishes more than once and you walk away.  You don’t hear that water running, that sink will overflow.  I don’t think when you have normal hearing you think of these things.  You just think you should be paying attention to these things like running water, or browning hamburger on the stove.  I truly believe that it is the sounds of these tasks that keep your mind intuned with the task at hand.  When you are a mom, cook, and nurse for skinned knees, food can get burned and sinks can overflow when the sounds of those tasks aren’t registered and your mind is not pulled back to those things.  So yes I will admit it I have about flooded my kitchen and burned browning food on the stove.  Maybe some of it is being distracted but after hearing from other folks I believe not hearing it was a large factor.

playing telephone

Mumbling, whispering and tight lip talkers have always been a problem for me since a child.  Playing the game where people whisper a secret to you and you need to pass it on.  Yep I was the kid that usually ruined that game.  Any whispering, mumbling or someone who doesn’t enunciate their words have always been a difficult situation for me.  Unfortunately my daughter is one of these.  She mumbles and then trails off at the end of a sentence.  I am trying to change this and let her know mom doesn’t understand.  I am scared she is at the age where that is just fine that mom doesn’t hear all of what is going on.

One last sound I am going to write about is one I hear but dread.  It is the phone, my home phone or cell phone.  I have HUGE anxiety when it comes to the phone.  I will gladly call my mom or grandma and talk but it is on my terms.  There is either no one home, or the TV is off, the setting is my decision.  The anxiety is huge when there are tons of people around or other factors and that phone rings.  It sends an instant panic through my soul.  I have more than once answered the phone and get so frustrated I just throw the phone to my husband and he has to talk.  When working at school this week, and I HATE those old wall phones.  The phone rang with 25 loud kids talking.  Yeah this isn’t going to go well.  I can go whole weeks at school with no calls yesterday was not one, or two, or even three there were 5 phone calls that all came when the room was full and loud.  Wow talk about the sweaty palms, and the tight chest.  I got through it but the people on the other side must of thought I was not paying attention.  I must have asked WHAT, and can you repeat that about 10 times.  I got through the day and I was happy to say goodbye to that phone.  That is why I love texting.  There are still a few people I need to get on the texting wagon instead of calling.  Oh well another thing to work on.

phone picture

There are always going to be obstacles in every part of life and with every human being on earth.  These are just a few of the sound obstacles I thought of.  To hear my kids whisper I LOVE YOU would be wonderful but it is something I have never heard.  But seeing their little faces and their little hands grabbing my face is plenty enough to melt my heart.

Thank you for Reading

 

an arrow

I have watched my children get certificate after certificate to trophies and medals to the point we open a closet and we may get rained on by trophies.  I didn’t get any of this as a child.  One I don’t think awards were given out as much as they are now and also I wasn’t in the amount of stuff my kids are in.  I have my high school and college diplomas in a dresser drawer and I have numerous ribbons from county fairs but that is about it.

I started writing this blog last fall.  It was a stress relieving fun activity for me.  I have always enjoyed writing, and writing a book is on my bucket list.  As life threw me some new obstacles this past year I needed a way to work through them.  Writing was a good choice for me.  I was able to put those feelings to the key of the computer and I didn’t need to say them out loud. As time has passed I am not as ashamed or scared to share my story and tell others about the new direction my life may be going.  I also write for the SWC blog or Say What Club.  I have found so much acceptance, help, and friendship from these people that I can’t imagine I would feel how I do now with out them.

I wrote a blog piece about my life as a Substitute teacher that happens to be hard of hearing.  The blog post got recognized by a group in New York.  I am in small town Minnesota so this is wow a big thing.  I was interviewed and chosen to be a HearStrong Champion.  I am floored, shocked and honored.  Doesn’t the old saying go something like this, if life gives you lemons make lemonade.  Well I didn’t want to wallow in my life, I wanted and want to be proactive and move on and make life the best it can.

I want to take this opportunity to thank my friends and family.  They have been an amazing support system.  My friends here are awesome, they will listen to me as a rant and complain.  My weekly Bible Study has been a huge encourager.  I think all of these people gave me the courage to write what I was thinking, feeling and living.

Next month I get to travel to the cities to get my award.  Wow I just don’t know what to even think.  I am starting to get excited and it only fuels me to be an advocate, keep writing, and keep encouraging.

Here is a link to my HearStrong profile.