Tag: hearing loss

A Job

August 10, 2014 · Leave a comment ·

Today I have a feeling in my soul that hasn’t been there for a long time, contentment. I have struggled with a hole in my soul that I wanted to fill with work. I want to work and help support our family.

I have worked since I was a little girl. I had a daily paper route that was a 5 day a week afternoon paper. That was my first work experience and it taught me hard work, determination and discipline. I babysat a ton then moved to waitressing all through high school. In college I always took a full class load but always worked at least 30 hours a week also. Work was important to me, it always has been.

When I moved from the Twin Cities to the small town in Rural Minnesota I left my full time job of 10 years. This was hard but also a good time to reconnect to my husband, my small daughter and we then had our son. I have done little jobs here in town. I worked at a local floral shop, a cashier at the grocery store and my main job as a substitute teacher. Both kids are in school all day I need more, my soul needed more, my family could use more. I have tried so hard this past year to find another job. A job that I could count on hours and also feel I can make some sort of difference not just keep the peace in a classroom for a day. I interviewed for a few jobs in town…NO. I applied and interviewed for so many jobs at school….NO. I needed to change the direction I was going. What to do, I know I have certain limitations with my hearing. Answering phones all day would not be a good fit for me. Numerous people talking all around me also not a good fit.

This weekend is my first hours working as a PCA, personal care attendant. I am excited, happy and at peace. I am earning money, I am helping a fellow human being, my needs are being met by being a productive citizen. I believe this will be a good fit. I know where I will be working and when I will be working. I love the stability, I love knowing a paycheck will be coming. I won’t be rich but my soul is feeling alive.

Another Year Older

July 22, 2014 · Leave a comment ·

This weekend was my birthday. It seems like every year it is just a day that is glossed over. I get a call from my parents and wish me a happy birthday, we meet for a lunch usually in the month of my birthday but that is about it. I moved across the state on my 30th birthday. We have held a garage sale on the day, or I work the 4H food stand for our town festival. It is all ok but I have to admit I miss celebrating my day. Does that make me sound conceited? I hold parties for my kids and husband I just want a day for me.

About a month ago I won a pair of tickets to watch the MN Twins baseball team. I was excited, really excited, a weekend of celebration is what this was turning into. The tickets were for what day, MY BIRTHDAY. I would miss our towns festival but everyone seemed ok with this fact so the stars were aligning, we were going to the cities and momma would be celebrating her birthday.

Saturday we had a birthday party at my mom’s house. We had a wonderful lunch with my sister’s family, my parents, and my grandma. It was fun to see everyone and just catch up. The kids had a blast playing together. They don’t see their cousins very often so they play hard.

Greta went to the Farmers market with her aunt and cousins and brought home these beautiful flowers for her momma. They were just beautiful and smelled so good. I hope my mom can enjoy them for a while since I had to leave them at her house.

After a fabulous party we left for the game. Traveled to Minneapolis and got to Target Field in plenty of time to sightsee, people watch and take it all in. We had such a great night. The Twins didn’t win but we had a wonderful night away.

It is always interesting to see what they have at the game from food to promotions to closed captioning. Chad, my husband, actually figured this out. I was telling him I couldn’t hear anything in that stadium from the announcer to him sitting right next to me. He tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to a small screen and said, “closed captioning is over there, you can understand the announcer”. Sure enough it was a small screen so thank god I wore my contacts but it was there!! It is amazing what you find when you look for it.

can you spy it?? First tier on the right

Wonderful weekend all around. I got to see my family, spend time with my husband and celebrate what the 19th is to me, my birthday. We took the long way home through Minneapolis on Sunday and showed the kids St Paul, Ford Parkway, Lake Street and Lake Calhoun. It was an eye opening ride for them. They are so used to small town it is fun to get back to the city. I think their high point was visiting Choo Choo Bob’s in St Paul. A toy store how fun!!!

I am another year older and I am excited for it. I have changes coming up in my life and I am eager for the new challenges. I am glad I got to take this weekend to celebrate life, family and love.

Sounds I hear, Sounds I miss, and Sounds I am glad that are gone

May 20, 2014May 20, 2014 · Leave a comment ·

When you are hard of hearing many may think you would cherish any sounds you can hear. I will say for me there are sounds I miss, sounds I am glad are gone, and sounds I hate to hear. I know there are lists out there that others have written of what sounds they miss or can hear or don’t hear and this is my list and my observations.

Sounds I don’t miss. You might think any loss of sound would be a sad thing…nope. A huge one for me is my husbands snoring. I hate snoring and it can cause me to lose my mind. Since my hearing had dropped this year the minor snoring as I will call it is gone. So nice and has helped our marriage. Now when my husband starts his louder than a freight train snoring that is still there and that will drive me to a padded cell but at least the more minor stuff is gone. Yes I am so glad that sound is gone.

Sounds I miss. These are not interesting sounds but they are sounds you take for granted. I don’t hear the microwave beep unless I am standing right next to it. That is the joke in our household. I will say to my family, “Let me know when the microwave beeps” and my daughter or husband will respond, “It just did.” This always seems to get a laugh since it always seems to be at the same time. Now if my family would just step up and tend to the food that would solve the problem also.

Have you ever noticed how often you take cooking and kitchen noises for granted. I have started to fill the sink with water to clean dishes more than once and you walk away. You don’t hear that water running, that sink will overflow. I don’t think when you have normal hearing you think of these things. You just think you should be paying attention to these things like running water, or browning hamburger on the stove. I truly believe that it is the sounds of these tasks that keep your mind intuned with the task at hand. When you are a mom, cook, and nurse for skinned knees, food can get burned and sinks can overflow when the sounds of those tasks aren’t registered and your mind is not pulled back to those things. So yes I will admit it I have about flooded my kitchen and burned browning food on the stove. Maybe some of it is being distracted but after hearing from other folks I believe not hearing it was a large factor.

Mumbling, whispering and tight lip talkers have always been a problem for me since a child. Playing the game where people whisper a secret to you and you need to pass it on. Yep I was the kid that usually ruined that game. Any whispering, mumbling or someone who doesn’t enunciate their words have always been a difficult situation for me. Unfortunately my daughter is one of these. She mumbles and then trails off at the end of a sentence. I am trying to change this and let her know mom doesn’t understand. I am scared she is at the age where that is just fine that mom doesn’t hear all of what is going on.

One last sound I am going to write about is one I hear but dread. It is the phone, my home phone or cell phone. I have HUGE anxiety when it comes to the phone. I will gladly call my mom or grandma and talk but it is on my terms. There is either no one home, or the TV is off, the setting is my decision. The anxiety is huge when there are tons of people around or other factors and that phone rings. It sends an instant panic through my soul. I have more than once answered the phone and get so frustrated I just throw the phone to my husband and he has to talk. When working at school this week, and I HATE those old wall phones. The phone rang with 25 loud kids talking. Yeah this isn’t going to go well. I can go whole weeks at school with no calls yesterday was not one, or two, or even three there were 5 phone calls that all came when the room was full and loud. Wow talk about the sweaty palms, and the tight chest. I got through it but the people on the other side must of thought I was not paying attention. I must have asked WHAT, and can you repeat that about 10 times. I got through the day and I was happy to say goodbye to that phone. That is why I love texting. There are still a few people I need to get on the texting wagon instead of calling. Oh well another thing to work on.

There are always going to be obstacles in every part of life and with every human being on earth. These are just a few of the sound obstacles I thought of. To hear my kids whisper I LOVE YOU would be wonderful but it is something I have never heard. But seeing their little faces and their little hands grabbing my face is plenty enough to melt my heart.

To Hear What Your Child Hears

May 5, 2014May 5, 2014 · Leave a comment ·

This weekend was one of growth, acceptance, and most of all fun. Saturday morning our family woke up early and drove an hour and a half to a family event put on by Minnesota Hands and Voices www.mnhandsandvoices.org This was a first for our family, frankly I was nervous as could be. I didn’t think we would fit in. Henry has a mild hearing loss and we were invited to this event. I just thought it would be to mild of a loss and we really didn’t belong but there was a tug at our hearts to go. Chad and I were in agreement that we should go to this event as a family. The kids on the other hand were soo excited to get to the YMCA where this event was going to take place. Running around and going swimming is an OK day to most kids.

This day was eye opening to me. I had to wait over a day to write this post just to let it all sink in and settle. There were about 6 families there and the kids were all great and became instant friends. The hearing loss levels ranged from mild to profound. I guess we did belong. There was such a feeling of acceptance, I have trouble getting the feeling into words. Everyone there understood hearing loss. They understood that the fan kicking in is going to prevent you from getting the information presented. They all understood that you need to face each other to get the full meaning of the conversation. It was just a feeling that there were no differences, there was such ease of conversation all day long. I wasn’t the only parent to a child there that had hearing aids. There was just a sigh of relief if that makes sense.

We had a session on educational IEP’s which was very interesting. That always seems to be a sticky subject of what to put in the IEP and what should be in there and what the school wants to put in there is not always on the same page. We got a lot of good information and eager to pass it on to friends. The session that made the most impact on all of us was our second session, hearing simulations. There is no perfect simulation that will show exactly how someone hears but what is out there is still powerful. Each child present had their audiograms put into the program and we listened to a voice, like a teachers voice. Now add some classroom noise and listen to normal hearing and then how your child hears, Powerful. I know how I hear but hearing how your child hears still hits you. Sitting at a mild loss doesn’t mean it is a mild difference. You had to strain to hear the teachers voice and not just sit and passively listen you have to concentrate and concentrate hard. No wonder this poor kid comes home and meltdowns. He has to work so hard to just get through the day. I looked over at my husband who I don’t think really understood what it is like. He had his head down and I saw a tear in his eye. It was a powerful model that I wish teachers, family and peers could hear.

The kids had a wonderful day!! They played BINGO, basketball, minute to win it games. The kids even made the decision to all eat lunch together, really nice to see. We ended the day with some of them going swimming together. Just a great day with new friends and new insights. My daughter even wants to learn ASL now to try and converse with a couple of the kids that use sign on her own next time instead of the interpreter doing it all for her.

To hear what your child hears is a powerful moment and one I won’t forget.

Thursday

May 2, 2014 · 1 Comment ·

Oh how I hate the afternoon and evenings on the day of Thursday. You might wonder but tomorrow is Friday? Why is this one day of the week such a thorn in my side. It is because of my son, or at least the what this night does to him. He get off the bus around 3:15 and there is a constant whiny sound you will hear till about 6:30. This whining will then lead to stomping then crying then sobbing till we can’t whine anymore. Yes it is annoying and I hate it but my heart breaks at the same time. Henry is in sensory overload by Thursday night. Have 4 days of school, 2 nights of TaeKwonDo, and a night of church have reached their limit. He has tried to hold all his feelings, emotions inside and by day 4 he is a bear. He explodes and we know to expect it now. He is passed out now and I hope he sleeps till morning and then tomorrow is a fresh day and Friday is always a fun day. He gets the rest his body and mind needs and we can get up and face another day.

Now I had a great Thursday. I needed to drive to the audiologist which is about a 40 minutes away. It was a follow up appt and to change some programing on my hearing aid. I knew it would be a short visit so make it worth the drive. I picked up a friend and we were off. We shopped without kids, talked, and stopped to eat a meal. I wish the world could listen to us at a perkins table. We could run the world with such ease. It isn’t complicated we have it all worked out, just listen to us. I am glad we had this time together we made it a great morning.

We all have our Thursdays. Times when we want to crawl into a ball and cry and shut out the world. The world has a lot of pressures and they can come in at all sides. My heart breaks that my son feels all those pressures and they all soak into him till he bursts. He is sleeping so calmly now. My prayer for him is a restful sleep that will take all the stresses and anxiety away, way too much for a 5 year old.

I hope you all have a restful Thursday night and you can all feel fresh and new for Friday.

Selective Hearing

April 27, 2014 · Leave a comment ·

I thought we would all appreciate a little humor in our lives at time to time. I need to share this little funny experience our family had lately. My family contains myself, the mom, I have moderate hearing loss and try to keep our household in order. My husband is a welder that has worked in an industrial setting for more than 20 years. I have a soon 11 year old daughter that loves to roll her eyes at her mom. Last but not least a 5 year old son that has a mild hearing loss.

My husband’s employer tests everyones hearing once a year. A big semi comes to the plant and parks outside and you are assigned a time to go in the booth. Well this past year my husbands hearing seemed to drop way down. I was shocked and so was he. We kept looking to see what last year and this years audiogram and I couldn’t believe the drop. I didn’t think he seemed to have a hearing loss. Maybe I am not the best judge but he doesn’t ask for things to be repeated too often. He has the tv volume much lower than I do. So we had to wait till he could get into the doctor and they do a more comprehensive test.

I had a lot of worry over that time period. I am wondering would he need hearing aids. How are we going to afford this. They are not cheap at all and just forked out money for this item. I was thinking of my son who we were doing his new IEP at the time and we were putting in things like using the FM system and sitting in a certain part of the room. My mind was on overdrive and this just seemed to pull me over.

Well the day came and my husband had to go in. He came home with a huge smile on his face and this is what they found…..He had fallen asleep in his first test. Can you believe that, he fell asleep. He just says well I went to work at 4:30am I was tired and that booth in the truck was so quiet and warm, and a nice chair. He fell asleep, his hearing is fine. I just had to laugh. Sometimes that is all you can do is shake your head and laugh.

My Yellow Belt Miracle

March 23, 2014April 20, 2014 · 3 Comments ·

Look at the attention that my dear son, Henry, is holding. It is amazing to me and that is the main reason this picture had to be taken. You see my boy hasn’t always sat like this let alone be in a room of people watching him. I thought I would take this opportunity to shed a little light on how Henry used to be till now. The problems he has had are not gone totally but they are handled and he know how to hold himself and his emotions in check….for the most part.

Henry was born 5.5 years ago and he was just the cutest little thing. He was always very reserved as an infant and as a toddler. He was also a sick little guy. He would spike a fever so easily and so fast. It was about every 3 weeks he would spike a fever between 105-106 degrees. He and I spent lots of time in the ER and the doctor’s offices. It was determined a good year after this trend started that he needed his tonsils and adnoids out. Thank god he has never spiked a high fever again since that surgery. After that surgery attention was turned to could he hear? That was the big question, being past the age of 2 and not babbling or really making any noises. So after more paperwork and talking with the doctors, and school district (early intervention) we went to an audiologist. Henry was found to be right at the line for moderate hearing loss. Being at a moderate hearing loss myself I know now that would not be easy to learn speech and interact. Henry had glue ear and had surgery to remove that and put tubes in and they also clipped his tongue at that time. His hearing has gone to a mild loss and that is where he is still at today. He entered ECSE (early childhood special education) at the age of 3, Occupational therapy, and speech therapy. He has made huge strides in the past couple years. During that time was full of appts, worry and constant love for him. Henry had a grand mal seizure at school one day so that was then a trip to a neurologist, EEG, MRI. It hasn’t happened again and hopefully will not. Henry was also diagnosed with PDD-NOS during the time of preschool. PDD-NOS is under the Autism Spectrum umbrella. Henry also has SPD, sensory processing disorder. I believe this is what has affected him the most. From hating the sound and feel of water falling on him. To having complete meltdowns walking into a store or restaurant that is full of people, bright lights and loud sounds. We still have moments this all comes back but it is getting better. He still has huge issues with food (most things are OH SO YUCKY).

This brings me to Friday. My handsome son is in kindergarten, speaking at his age level, and interacting with friends. He is in TaeKwonDo and had a promotional test Friday night. I get so nervous and proud at those tests if it is for Henry or Greta. I am so proud to say Henry PASSED his test. He passed all his material on the first time. He ran across the gym and while doing a flying sidekick he broke a board!!!! He did it with people watching him and he did great. So proud of both of my kids. I think of two years ago and never in a million years would I think we would be here today. Miracles, hard work, prayers, and help do work. I know I have a little boy with a yellow belt living in my home as proof.

Don’t You Dare Throw Those Scissors

March 21, 2014 · Leave a comment ·

Ok so maybe this picture is a little drastic but I felt like this yesterday afternoon. Yesterday was a crazy day at school, one that I hope not to repeat anytime soon. I am a substitute teacher at our local school. Now that is a hard job in many ways. One big one is just earning the respect from the kids. I have noticed lately that respect has gone out the window. Maybe we were like that when I was young but I would have never dared laugh in an adults face or talk back to them. It just wasn’t done and you didn’t do it. I don’t feel like I am that old (in my 30’s) what has happened.

So I am at school for the whole day and from hour one it just did not go as planned. The kids were crazy. Maybe spring fever, lack of respect, or just the kids themselves. They were body slamming each other on the tables, they were throwing scissors across the room, they were fling kernels of corn (I was in the Ag room). It was nuts!!!! That is an understatement. This all happened by 2nd hour. Wow this day is going to be long.

Now to anyone that has hearing loss knows that background noise is not your friend. It masks speech sounds or at least for me it does. So in this Ag room there are shop noises, LOUD fan noises, high ceilings, just lots of industrial noise. I need to concentrate to the max in there and then add this behavior on top of it EQUALS stressed. The day was crazy but luckily ended much better then started. The last couple hours were much better than the start of the day. I don’t think I could have handled 8 hours of that amount of crazy.

I was emailing my mom throughout the day yesterday, in between classes and during lunch. She had written she wished there could have been a video of the craziness of the classes she could watch. I just laughed and said you could have probably seen the gray hair forming on my head.

Luckily my family could feel my mood last night and were huge helps to get dinner done and cleaned up. We were all in PJ’s by 6:30 and watching a movie. A good nights sleep and a day with my husband today has been the perfect prescription. Out to lunch and a little grocery shopping.

Now tonight my son has a TaeKwonDo test. A whole different kind of stress. A kind of stress that will cause me tears but only because I am so proud of all my little guy has accomplished this year.

On to a fun family weekend. No big plans, just time together. No one better be throwing scissors.

My ADD Mind

January 22, 2014 · Leave a comment ·

It is another snow day out here on the prairies of Minnesota. When I was young if we had a snow day it was like hell had froze over. My school district did not close for anything. If we did end up with a snow day the joke was that the superintendent’s garage door was froze shut. Out here going on our 7th year I have learned if there is wind you are stuck. The drift that form on the roads are just huge and make it impassable. My kids will be raised with this weather so I hope they learn to respect it and know its power.

When we have a day with the kids home I swear my mind turns to ADD brain. It jumps from one topic to another and I don’t know if anything really gets down in a full manner since I am already on the next task or activity. We did clean up the clutter that was around. I vacuumed and got the few dishes done that were in the sink. Boy I would like a dishwasher someday. I cooked up some italian sausage and have that in the slow cooker with some of my home canned sauce. Just jumping from one task to another not really taking the full time on one task that it deserves. My mind drifts in thinking also of past events and future events. Problems of the day and praises of the past. A day like today is a good one for music. I love my Pandora radio. I have many stations set up but days like today I am partial to Rusted Root, makes me think of warmer temps. I also am enjoying Indigo Girls, Eva Cassidy, and some Paul Simon, and some smattering of Pearl Jam. My music choices vary so much but today these are what are making me happy. My iPod is plugged into my speaker and they are going strong and loud.

Music brings me all over my mind. It will bring back a memory for high school and college. It will bring back a memory of a trip I may have taken or a special friend that has crossed my path. I wonder what is the music of my future will be? Will it still be these groups I enjoy to listen on a day like today or will it be other groups and song?. What will be the problems of the future and the praises of the past? Music is really a journey into a soul. Sure seems like that today. I love hearing the music, the melody to the bass line. So on my ADD brain I had to share this week. I find myself testing my hearing all the time. She the transition- music, hearing. I may notice I can’t hear the TV and radio at the volume I could before. So I knew the UPS truck would be coming a couple days ago and I was going to really test myself if I could tell when he came. I have a loss at low frequencies and I think that affects me hearing the truck pull up. I was sitting no more then 2 feet from the door and I was thinking I am going to really listen for that truck should be coming soon. At that moment there was a pounding at the door just 24 inches from me. It happened to be the UPS guy. Guess I failed that test and didn’t hear the truck. Oh well I will just enjoy my music at this time and not be concerned I am at the top of the volume range.

Well I better try to get to some of the more not so fun tasks I have on my list complete. I would really like to go through the kids clothes and try to organize that mess. Enjoy your day!!

How I joined the HOH club

January 7, 2014 · 6 Comments ·

I thought I would share the weekend/week that I lost hearing. I haven’t talked about this to very many people but I have met some awesome people in real life and on the computer that I see that it isn’t something to hide or pretend it isn’t there it is who I am and that means it is ok.

I was at a TaeKwonDo tournament in fact I have a blog posting from that event with a picture. I felt fine that day and had a great time. That night we went to my in-laws house and we watched a movie on TV. No big deal just hanging out in the living room. Well I couldn’t hear the words on the TV. I could hear an occasional commercial but not dialog from the movie. I grabbed the remote and turned it up and everyone complained how loud it was and turned it back down. I just couldn’t understand what was happening so I went to bed thinking I was getting an ear infection and my ears were probably filled with fluid. Next day was church and again I noticed I really couldn’t hear well at all. But I didn’t want to say anything to anyone. I smiled and tried to answer questions but I was more then ready to go home when the service was done. That night my husband asked me to sit down at the table. He looked right at me and asked if I could hear ok. I played dumb and asked why. He said I answered questions wrong at church like I hadn’t heard what the person had said to me. I just said that maybe and I was probably getting sick. Well the next day Monday is what freaked me out. Those that know me know I don’t freak out. I was to sub for just a quick 30 minute job at the school. I just had to read to some young kids. I love to read so thought this will be fun. I went in and started reading and it was going good till all the kids wanted to ask questions at once. I couldn’t make out what they were saying and I think I started having a panic attack. I was able to leave right about that time. I went out to the vehicle and just sat and couldn’t do anything. I was in shock. I grabbed my phone and made a call for the doctor to get my hearing checked.

Next day I got in and had my hearing checked. It showed a mild mixed loss. Mixed meaning I have so much scar tissue in my ear from countless surgeries, infections, burst ear drums that I have a conductive loss. I also have a sensorineural loss which is what I am guessing came on very sudden. I go home with really no answers but get a call to go to an audiologist the following day in a neighboring town. I went and had more tests then the first time in fact over an hour I was in the booth having test after test. I was found to have a mixed loss that dipped down into moderate hearing loss in the frequencies where speech is most important. I wasn’t getting sick, or crazy I had entered a club of Hard of Hearing.

The audiologist was very nice and explained how hearing aids can’t bring that hearing back to perfect but it would make a big difference. So I ordered my Phonak hearing aid (only 1 need to save up for number 2). I laid pretty low the next week or so. I didn’t work at the school or really see anyone. I got the hearing aid and the first thing I noticed was I heard the clock on the wall. I hadn’t heard that when I went into the office. I have had to have the hearing tweaked a few times and the levels upped a few times also. My biggest difficulty is in a large group understanding someone talking to me or someone talking soft to me. I need to work on lip reading for those situations.

Everyday I feel a little bit better about the situation. It was another thing in life you don’t plan for and don’t anticipate. I have joined a great group online and it makes you know that you are not alone. There are others out there that are going through the same things that you are.

Everyone has a story we just have to let that story out so others know what yours is.

Musings of a Momma

hard of hearing mom living in a small town