We traveled across the state from our land of flat to the land of people, traffic and food on a stick. We traveled to the Minnesota State Fair, The Great Minnesota Get Together. This really wasn’t a planned trip. Not one we were anticipating all … Continue reading State Fair
Summer is busy, and summer seems to just get away from us. Day to day chores and obligations mixed in with family fun is what summer is all about. I can’t believe that a month is left. A mere month. I also can’t believe all we have fit in the summer. Family vacation, day trips, a trip to the zoo and relaxing at the pool. This was such an uncertain summer. I had many hours of lost sleep over this summer. A husband laid off and me who had a job only during the school year how was this to work, but it did. We had a great time. We traveled and laughed and played games and the list goes on and on. God will provide was made known to me this past year. Our needs were met. The summer isn’t over. We still have a son’s birthday and a family reunion, county fairs and the list goes on and on. We trusted and we survived and we rose even higher than we ever expected. Our family is blessed with wonderful family and friends that assured us all would be fine.
A few pictures of family fun
This past week we were “Pod People” we were one of those families that travel across state lines with a big pod on the roof of the vehicle. We were on a family vacation and it was wonderful. I don’t know how many people will … Continue reading Our Family Vacation Day 1- Pod People
We rent a small house in a small town. I am a mom that works as many days as she can but overall I am a mom. What do mom’s do. They kiss boo boo’s, they wash clothes and pack school bags and COOK.
Early in the month my oven quit on my stove. I really don’t blame the oven it was the digital display that went out. Without those magical push buttons there was no way to turn on the oven. How stupid, why does a simple button need to control all. Is old fashioned knobs to good for a stove now days. Stove worked oven sat cold.
We waited a few weeks and got a call that our landlord found another stove and was bringing it in. I was so excited, it was a used stove but heck I didn’t care. It was a very nice looking stove but once it got out of the freezing temps of a storage unit, the freezing temps of the back of a truck and into our 68 degree home we discovered there was something terribly wrong. The stove had such a horrible smell that it burned our eyes and lungs. It was awful. Something had to have gotten into the insulation of the stove and it was ruined. No matter how nice it looked didn’t make up for how bad it smelled. It was like the worst 24 hours of my life. The house smelled so bad we couldn’t be in it and I had no way to cook for my family. It is like a basic instinct a mother has. To make a meal for her family. Oh I hate the question, “What are we eating tonight.” but I feel it is my job, a job I take joy and pleasure in. It was only 24 hours but it felt like I had failed. I had a full on anxiety attack the next morning. There was a smell in the house and I couldn’t even boil a pot of water. When I called my mom I told her my whoes and then I couldn’t even boil a pot of water. She has a way to put things into perspective. One- Why do I need to boil a pot of water at 8am. Two- this will pass and a new stove will be there shortly. That afternoon the stinky stove was taken out of the house and the spot sat empty where my cooking vessel should be.
Our landlord was looking all over for a good condition stove. Saturday I had the idea of going to the Habitat for Humanity ReStore. What a treasure trove of items. I found my stove!!!! Looking at it I knew I needed this stove. It was odd I walked around the store and had to keep walking back to this stove. Called my landlord up and said cancel getting a stove by tomorrow I found one. This is an old stove it has a vintage look that I love. There is chrome on the corners. A green sea glass color on the oven glass window and behind the knob controls. Yes knobs no digital display to go out on me there.
My heart is happy. I can provide food for my family and friends. We weren’t home an hour with the new stove and cookies were baked. Last night a meatloaf and green bean casserole (were in Minnesota don’t ya know). Today was a pan of brownies and an egg bake for dinner. I am sure supper will go back to a chore but for now I am loving it.
My role is fulfilled as a mom. I am sure many would disagree but it makes me feel like there is a purpose, I know my role and I can excel at it.
I just need to share something here on my blog since it started on my blog. A while ago I received a comment on here from Hands and Voices. They asked if I would write something would tie in my hearing loss, my blog and … Continue reading Finding Where You Belong
This little boy is such a joy in my life. He brings laughs, cuddles, and stress. The past few weeks I have had my mind racing. I have been quiet on here and I believe it could be because my mind is on overdrive thinking … Continue reading My Boy
Christmas means many things to many people. To me it is Family. Family we can see, visit with, feast with, and catch up with. Now that I live away from my family Christmas was something I was really looking forward to this year. We went … Continue reading Christmas with Grandma
This past weekend I was telling my husband I was so tired. I didn’t feel sick just so tired, like I could fall into bed and sleep for a full day. Then I thought of everything we had done this past week and I know … Continue reading A Busy Time of Year
This past month I have felt like this a lot. I have felt like I am drowning. Yes I try to be the optimist, the glass is half full type of girl. I just can’t keep that up all the time. I can’t keep the smile on my face that everything is fine and everything is great. I am the glue that tries to keep it all together in my family but lately I am having a hard time doing this.
I finally confided in my husband and told him that I am really having a hard time keeping it all together lately. I feel like I am drowning and I am sick of keeping the smile on my face when I miss half a conversation and have no idea what someone said to me when they walk up to me at school or church. I am sick of working so hard to understand all that is being said. I am just sick and tired of life being hard.
Everyone has troubles in their lives and I try not to ever be a person that says well my troubles are worse than your troubles. I hate when someone says, “At least it is not cancer.” Yes I am glad of that also but guess what hearing loss, a son on the autism spectrum, anxiety, and so on isn’t that great either. Everyone has trials in their lives, let them grieve and work through their trials. Don’t discount it that a problem isn’t big enough, in their life it is a mountain.
My husbands employer has this new health insurance hoops you have to jump through. We have to do an online health assessment and then talk to a health advisor. I am fine with this until they talked to me about the stress and anxiety aspect. 1st off they knew of the hearing loss since that was one of the questions I had to answer. They asked why I have stress. I told them I walk into a building and I always feel off guard at first if I will understand people talking to me and understand what is being said there. Their answer was deep breathing and I just need to believe and tell myself that everything is good and I can hear it all. REALLY- I was hoping for some relaxation techniques. I informed them I can’t make the hearing loss go away so in reality I am not going to hear it all. They came back with I can tell myself I hear fine and that will take care of the stress. Wow I didn’t know how to respond. If this is what the insurance companies are going to tell us we can will all our troubles and our worlds troubles away.
I work at the school as a substitute teacher. It seems to be getting harder and harder in some ways. I like certain classrooms a lot, I like the high school. I know I can hear decent in them and I know I won’t run into problems. But the hallways, lunchroom, and the elementary school I just want to run away. I feel like the air is being squeezed out of me. I hate it and there is no way I can hear anything. The elementary school is like a horror movie for me. Little voices and always a sea of background noise I just cringe going in there. This past week I was to work at the elementary school Monday and Tuesday. I felt sick all weekend even thinking about these two days. I don’t know what my negative feelings did but we ended up getting an early November snowstorm, we received over a foot of snow. SNOW DAY on Monday and two hours late on Tuesday. My prayers were answered!!! I hate that I dread going to work or certain places. I hate that I have this sense of failure of events coming up.
I just need to get over these feelings. I will, I am not worried about it. I will learn some new coping techniques. I am trying to learn speech reading which I really believe will be a huge asset to me. I need to reach out to the friends that I know will be there when there is a bad day and understand. I need to speak up, I need to say what I need instead of saying sorry like I was a problem.
It is going to be a long winter I am afraid. This will be my winter to learn new things. Maybe just maybe when spring comes again I will have some new skills and instead of this drowning feeling I am having I will be having a sense of renewal, just like my tulips coming up to see the sun.
This weekend was one of friends and family. I had so much fun this weekend I don’t want it to end. First this weekend had a lot of fear in me. The kids had their Tae Kwon Do tournament, last year my hearing took a dive on this weekend. I was starting to get nervous would history repeat itself? The tournament was on, the movie we watched that night and I was so scared because I couldn’t hear it, part 2 of the movie was on this weekend. What are the odd’s? I was getting really scared and nervous and reached out to a friend of mine. This friend was my ASL (American Sign Language) teacher. We became friends and I vented to her. She ended up coming with me to the tournament and we had a fabulous day! We were both a tad nervous about hanging out, would we get along, would the kids like this, would there be a communication barrier, were all things I though about. All these things were unneeded worry. We had a great day. I got to hang out with another wonderful friend also. Her daughter is just a doll, love her like a daughter. You will see her in some of these pictures also. Greta helped at the tournament and Henry competed. He ended up getting 3rd place in his forms and 1st place in sparring. Here are some pictures from our day our Saturday.
Sunday is a family day in my mind. Today we had lunch together then a day off playing for the kids and watching some Sons of Anarchy for Chad and I. This evening we went to a Halloween party for our 4H group. What a fun evening. We met out a an old Town Hall building. Think one room school house. There was pumpkin carving, sscavengerhunt, a potluck supper, and lots of playing. Here are some pictures from tonight. Greta was dressed at Katniss from Hunger Games and Henry was superman and then stripped that off and he was wearing all camo under there so an army man.
I hope you all had great weekends and I hope that wonderful feeling I have now will carry on through the whole week.
Musings of a Momma 