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PRIDE

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Image                                                Such Pride I have in these 3 girls from our local Tae Kwon Do gym.  My daughter is the girl in the center.  The time, training and determination these three girls have shown amazes me.  I have such hope for these kids in the future.  They know the meaning of hard work, and commitment.  Things aren’t given to you, you earn them.  These girls gave up time every night during their Christmas vacations to train and work hard.  They learned Korean terms, numbers, and many other facts. They also needed to know their patterns and numchuck patterns, and had to break 5 boards.  How they fit all that info in their brains just amazed me.

Pride was welled up in my chest and throat all night.  Watching all these young people working so hard just brings me chills.  So many kids think they deserve that first place trophy for just being themselves.  These kids have learned that if they don’t pass everything in the test they don’t pass and get that next belt.

My dear Greta tried so hard and did wonderfully on her test.  Her material was solid and she was strong in spirit and strong in body.  Her nerves got the best of her on her breaks.  She broke the board with her elbow but missed the others.  She did not get her belt last night.  She had tears in her eyes but she sucked it up and knew that she can break those boards (tomorrow).  She will earn that belt and she will be a 2nd degree poom by class on Monday night.

The smile on her face after the test congratulating the other two girls on their new belts again brought again PRIDE.  This picture was taken after the test and I think you can see the pride in all the girls faces.

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How I joined the HOH club

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I thought I would share the weekend/week that I lost hearing.  I haven’t talked about this to very many people but I have met some awesome people in real life and on the computer that I see that it isn’t something to hide or pretend it isn’t there it is who I am and that means it is ok. 

I was at a TaeKwonDo tournament in fact I have a blog posting from that event with a picture.  I felt fine that day and had a great time.  That night we went to my in-laws house and we watched a movie on TV.  No big deal just hanging out in the living room.  Well I couldn’t hear the words on the TV.  I could hear an occasional commercial but not dialog from the movie.  I grabbed the remote and turned it up and everyone complained how loud it was and turned it back down.  I just couldn’t understand what was happening so I went to bed thinking I was getting an ear infection and my ears were probably filled with fluid.  Next day was church and again I noticed I really couldn’t hear well at all.  But I didn’t want to say anything to anyone.  I smiled and tried to answer questions but I was more then ready to go home when the service was done.  That night my husband asked me to sit down at the table.  He looked right at me and asked if I could hear ok.  I played dumb and asked why.  He said I answered questions wrong at church like I hadn’t heard what the person had said to me.  I just said that maybe and I was probably getting sick.  Well the next day Monday is what freaked me out.  Those that know me know I don’t freak out.  I was to sub for just a quick 30 minute job at the school.  I just had to read to some young kids.  I love to read so thought this will be fun.  I went in and started reading and it was going good till all the kids wanted to ask questions at once.  I couldn’t make out what they were saying and I think I started having a panic attack.  I was able to leave right about that time.  I went out to the vehicle and just sat and couldn’t do anything.  I was in shock.  I grabbed my phone and made a call for the doctor to get my hearing checked.  

Next day I got in and had my hearing checked.  It showed a mild mixed loss.  Mixed meaning I have so much scar tissue in my ear from countless surgeries, infections, burst ear drums that I have a conductive loss.  I also have a sensorineural loss which is what I am guessing came on very sudden. I go home with really no answers but get a call to go to an audiologist the following day in a neighboring town.  I went and had more tests then the first time in fact over an hour I was in the booth having test after test.  I was found to have a mixed loss that dipped down into moderate hearing loss in the frequencies where speech is most important.  I wasn’t getting sick, or crazy I had entered a club of Hard of Hearing.  

The audiologist was very nice and explained how hearing aids can’t bring that hearing back to perfect but it would make a big difference.  So I ordered my Phonak hearing aid (only 1 need to save up for number 2). I laid pretty low the next week or so.  I didn’t work at the school or really see anyone.  I got the hearing aid and the first thing I noticed was I heard the clock on the wall.  I hadn’t heard that when I went into the office.  I have had to have the hearing tweaked a few times and the levels upped a few times also.  My biggest difficulty is in a large group understanding someone talking to me or someone talking soft to me.  I need to work on lip reading for those situations. 

Everyday I feel a little bit better about the situation.  It was another thing in life you don’t plan for and don’t anticipate.  I have joined a great group online and it makes you know that you are not alone.  There are others out there that are going through the same things that you are.  

Everyone has a story we just have to let that story out so others know what yours is.  

Arctic Vortex

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We have been stuck in this black hole of crazy cold that has been referred to the ARCTIC VORTEX.  Don’t you just hear a loud announcers voice saying the ARCTIC VORTEX.  This cold has been unsettling for me.  I am not sure why but I lost sleep over this cold.  I just sat at night thinking about animals, and people that are stuck in this cold.  I closed my eyes and just prayed and prayed for these individuals.  From our mailman, to someone who is homeless, to a dog or cat that is outside and prayed for them.  We have two rabbits that were out in our garage.  They were out of the wind and in a pile of hay but I couldn’t get them out of my mind.  I needed them safe and warm.  I went out at midnight the other night threw them in a shopping bag and brought them inside.  I hope they know I saved their lives.  I honestly don’t think they care but I did.

The kids missed yesterday from school.  The Minnesota governor called off all school for the state.  Boy these kids needed to get back to school today.  My son was actually bouncing off the walls.  He was climbing on the couch and then trying to leap across the living room and land in a chair.  Yeah we need school, better structure and OT again.  He actually woke up at 2am this morning to start getting ready for school.  I am sure he will be a joy when he gets home today.  School was 2 hours late today and my daughter must have asked me every 5 minutes if they cancelled it yet.  My gosh girl you can hear the phone better then me…have they called to cancel NO SO GET READY TO GO.

So I hope the cold is lifting.  When I drove by the bank yesterday morning it was -24.  Today it was 0 that is an improvement in my book.  I hope it starts making a upper slope to real numbers and maybe even some double digits I heard by the end of the week.  That would be just awesome and make my week.

Some facts I heard about Minnesota yesterday, Antarctica was warmer then us and the planet Mars was warmer then us.  Why do we live here.  I can’t see myself moving but it is a question I will ask myself every year.

Where ever you may live I hope and pray the weather improves and we get out of this black hole of the ARCTIC VORTEX.

My Daughter

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ImageMy Daughter is one of the strongest girls I know.  She has been through a lot in her 10 years.  She is one of the most caring, feisty, and good friend you could ask for.  I have talked a lot about my son and the amount of energy he takes to raise.  My daughter falls to the side at times and I thought I need to brag about her some.  

Yesterday I had an audiology appt about 40 minutes away from home.  The nice thing with vacation is my husband was home with Henry. So Greta and I road tripped to town.  We had the best time!!! We talked school, friends, TaeKwonDo and much more.  I told her stories of when I went to Jamaica on a mission trip.  It was 21 years ago yesterday that I went there.  Seems like yesterday I went it is so vivid but telling a 10 year old that is was that long ago made me feel a little old.  She loved hearing the stories of when I was young and in high school. 

Greta went with me to my appointment and I think she enjoyed it.  I think she was amazed that my hearing aid could be hooked to a computer and programs changed and certain sound levels upped AGAIN, all on a computer and seeing everything graphed out on the screen.  Who knows maybe we have a future Audiologist on my hands.  She asked questions and was just so grown up.  She amazes me everyday where did my little girl go.  

We ended up doing a little shopping in town and then headed home.  Just so nice to hear her ideas in life and her likes and dislikes.  She talked about bullying in her school.  She is so determined to give everyone a chance and a kid getting teased or left out just whips her up into a frenzy.  I really won’t be surprised if one day I get called to the school for punching a kid.  I don’t advocate this but if she is defending a kid who is getting picked on I can’t fault her.  

My dear Greta has a big TaeKwonDo test coming up.  Next week she is going for her 2nd degree POOM belt( Jr black belt).  My heart couldn’t be prouder.  Watching them train day after day at the gym and their determination fills me with hope for these kids and their futures.  The amount of information, board breaking, numchucks, and lots of other material is mind boggling but these 3 girls that are going for the promotion KNOW IT.  This picture is from almost 2 years ago when she earned her POOM belt in 2012. 

Raising a daughter who is not spoiled on money, would give her jacket to a stranger if they look cold, and feels their job is to defend everyone makes me feel like maybe I am doing something right as a mom.  

Happy New Years

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Happy New Years to everyone out there.  Did you make it to midnight? Our family didn’t make it till the new year.  That was a big thing when I was younger make it to the stroke of midnight.  Now that I am getting so old (or at least feel old) I made it till 11:30. Did I try to push myself that last half an hour, nope just went to bed.  

This holiday season has been a lot of togetherness as a family.  My kids and husband both had 2 weeks off this year.  Yikes that is a lot of time together.  We are a week and a half into it and we are all still alive and no major upsets.  We haven’t done a ton since we got home from Christmas.  If you have a child with Sensory Processing Disorder you know a lot of change in routine will disrupt your whole life.  We have been hearing everyday that He should be a school.  We shouldn’t be having supper so late (New Years Eve) that just isn’t right.  Dad should be at work not home, did he get fired, are we going to the poor house because he has no job.  There is a lot of anxiety that goes with his SPD.  New toys and new movies are helping him have a good time at home.  My daughter has been busy training this break.  She is going for her 2nd degree poom (a jr black belt in TaeKwonDo).  So proud of the kids going for the promotion. A big opportunity and a lot of work to get to this point.  

So our days during this break in this sub zero weather we are keeping busy by going through our closets, taking naps, watching movies, and playing with new toys and trying to figure out what new songs we should buy with our iTune cards.  The kids and I have been trying to learn ASL( American Sign Language).  We are watching Signing Time and looking through books.  Any other suggestions, they will be welcomed.  Pretty easy couple weeks I am sure the new year will bring in the craziness of life.  School will start again, work will be going full force but for now we can just enjoy ourselves.  

The Christmas Letter I didn’t get to send

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Merry Christmas Grandma-

I can’t believe you have been gone for a couple months already.  It seems like it just happened but so much of life has gone on it seems like a lifetime since I have gotten to talk to you.  I have so much to tell you grandma. Some nights I just talk to you, I wonder if you hear that, I hope so.

It is Christmas week and we are all at mom’s house. It will be so different this year not having our Christmas on the 26th.  The day will seem very empty this year.  I just thought I would write out what I would love to tell you. I bought the almond gift this year, can’t let traditions die.

First off your boldness with people has rubbed off on me.  I wonder if you are holding my hand because I have done a few things since you were gone that I would have never done before.  First did you know I spoke at your funeral.  I know shy me got up in front of all your loved ones and talked about how you were one of the most amazing people I had ever met.  I got through it and felt a presence with me and I know it was you.   Last month I gave my testimony at our Thanksgiving service at church. Again something I would had never entertained before.  I believe you are with me and that comforts me.

The kids are doing so good MorMor.  Greta and Henry both had parts in the Church Christmas program this year.  They did such a good job. Greta has such a heart for the Lord and it shows so much.  It makes my heart so happy.  Henry earned his orange belt in taekwondo , and he is doing math in his head.  Such a smart little boy, your prince Henry.

I am knitting and writing in the evenings.  I need to find something to do that takes up the time from us talking.  I miss our nights so much grandma.  I miss our talks, I miss our cry’s.  I need to talk to you about so many things.  I would love to talk recipes again. I would love to hear the newest love triangles of the nurses at the home.  I want to ask questions.  I want to ask you about grandpa’s hearing loss, I want to know how it started, I want to know just more about it.

Grandma I need to end this in saying that I know you are around us and at work.  How you got your 4-H papers to Greta, and how you reconnected me and a woman you introduced in my life at Greta’s age.  I know you had a hand in all of this and I thank you.

I will miss you this Christmas but I hope you have a fabulous one with Grandpa in Heaven.  He has waited so many years for this Christmas and I hope you will be together and looking down on your family.

Love your grand-daughter

Home

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There is such a feeling of peace walking into my parents house. It is a place of memories and a place of love. We journeyed east this morning in light snow. Kids were so excited to see grandpa and grandma. Kids have already gone sledding with cousins down a natural luge through the trees of the St Croix Valley. Pictures will come soon. Enjoy this upcoming week with family and loved ones. 

I will get my Christmas Spirit back

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Wow almost Christmas and we are so busy it is just crazy town here.  Christmas party tonight for the kids, school Christmas parties tomorrow for the kids.  Traveling out of town this weekend for the Holiday and NOTHING IS DONE!!! I need to pack, I need to wrap presents, I need to make sure I have everything we need to travel.

Do you ever feel like you are in the trap of the hamster wheel.  There is just so much going on but you just keep on running and running in that circle of life.  You can see out of the corner of your eye all the other stuff that needs to be done but you just keep on running and running and that extra stuff gets left behind.  That is how the holidays feel for me this year.  I am going through the motions but nothing has hit me yet that it is here.

My life has changed in the past couple months and I needed to time to step back and reflect on this new normal.  I went from why me, to is this going to get worse, to now it is I have moderate hearing loss lets except it and move on.  I was kinda in this fog and sadly that fog took away the joy of getting ready for the Holidays.  I feel behind now, I feel cheated somehow.  I know it was my own doing but I feel the spirit of getting ready for this joyous time of year was taken from me this year.  I will get it back.  I am determined to get that feeling of Christmas back.

I will put the Christmas music on…LOUD. I will wrap presents, load a car and get kids ready for grandma’s.  We won’t be riding a sleigh but we can go over a river and pass some trees to grandmothers house we go.  We will remember what Christmas is to us.  It is a time to remember that God gave his son for us to be our savior.  It is a time to remember that this baby came into the world to die for our sins.  I have everlasting life because of this babe in a manger.  I don’t ever want that feeling to go away. I won’t be cheated.

The Day of my Son

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So today was the day of my son from morning till night.  The day started out today with an IEP meeting for my son.  I am so happy with the progress Henry has made this year so far.  We still have some issues but most of the conversation today was the positives.  So we need to work on writing and reading so basically letters.  He is wonderful at numbers and the testing really showed that strength.  When Henry was very young he told me numbers lived in his tummy.  I think those numbers are coming out.  He loves math, patterns, and counting everything.  The big needs are his sensory needs.  I was told by each person that tested my son that his shirt, hand, or a chewy was in his mouth at all times.  I was also told he was constant movement.  Well that was no shock to me I live with him.  Another concern brought up was his hearing.  He has tested the past couple years at borderline hearing loss.  We had a deaf/Hard of Hearing teacher at the meeting so she explained what he heard and how.  She also explained how this hindered learning even having borderline hearing loss.  So the question I was dreading came out.  Is there any family history of hearing loss with Henry.  Well I had to let my secret out.  I don’t know why I didn’t want to say it but I had to say YES I have hearing loss at a moderate loss.  I know what it is like to not be able to hear a conversation or concentrate so hard on someone talking it is physically and mentally exhausting. So everyone together is going to really watch him and make sure he can get the best out of his education.  It was a good meeting and I think it will all be good.

Tonight was Henry’s orange belt test for TaeKwonDo.  He didn’t pass tonight but did great.  He sat at attention so well!! He even broke his first board.  He did great and only needs to pass one item on Wednesday.  I was very proud of all the kids there tonight.

It has been a day of being proud of my little man.  I am sure there will be many more of these days-today was a good one.  2013-12-16 18.52.53